Deep Abyss
by AbbyF809
Summary: Red and Liz have to stop a Blacklister who is taking out young and highly intelligent peole. Sequel to "Deep Waters"
1. Chapter 1

Hi and welcome to my new story! Since I was writing it parallel to the last two chapters of Deep Water, the wait for you guys wasnt too long;)

And here comes the result from the vote: The winner is **The Sequel**

Soooo...now it begins, the continuation of the last story and with that we all will go on an intereting journey. Obviously you will read a new story and hopefully enjoy it most of the time and I will write for the first time in my life a sequel. And honestly, I am shaking in my boots here, because the two chapters I have prewritten so far feel completely different than any other story before. I dont know why but it's kind of strange to refer to a previous story and keep in mind all the old, present and future facts.

So with other words, this story will be a challange for me and I will depend on you guys to kinda guide me a little through it. Tell me what is good what not so much and what you would actually like to hear if you have the feeling I forgot or something. I hope we will me able to get through this happily and with only minimu problem but you know me;) I'll tell ya guys if I have some kind of difficulties, just dont mind me taking a bit longer updating...but we'll see how it goes:)

Now...enough of that babbling now and on with the story.

Here is the Prologue

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything of The Blacklist and I am not earning any money with this or any of my stories. It's just for fun:)

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Prologue

The brain is a machine that is working without pausing for a second. It is able to safe more data than any computer on earth and can do things that none of us have any explanation for. Only few of us have the ability to use more than only 10% of this wonder of nature. Those people have skills at hand that are, until now, something extraordinary and often labeled as strange and sometimes even believed to be a side effect of a sickness But what if they are not? What if they are just the next step in the evolution of the human being, which is slowly gaining intelligence and developing new capabilities?

But what if the brain is not ready to do this work yet? If the brain is overloaded by data when it isn't trained enough to adjust to the amount of new things to learn yet..

If pushed too hard, too fast there are only two options:

The brain learns and advance even further.

Or

It will simply shut down and take a break. Maybe forever.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The house was quiet and the dim light coming from the windows was doing only an indifferent job of brightening the dark rooms. The only sound was the soft ticking of a clock in the hallway. The walls were covered in fancy wallpaper, making the impression, together with the classy furniture, of the house being from the 18th century. The only thing that betrayed this image was the hidden chamber with more than a dozen of modern high tech machineries, blinking, sighing and beeping as if they were alive themselves. For the moment the monitors were black and unused but the forgotten drink glasses and dishes showed that this room was much more often occupied by human beings than it seemed.

A door opening and a floorboard cracking broke the silence. The soft sound of bare feet sounded through the rooms and with that, the serene silence of the dawn was interrupted for at least another day.

Liz stumbled, still half asleep through the hall and tried to reach the kitchen without bumping into any furniture. After staying up until five in the morning, she had expected to be asleep for at least three or four more hours but something had woken her up. She couldn't put her finger on it, but the nagging feeling she had in her stomach, made her get up and wander through the still relatively unfamiliar place.

When she reached the kitchen, she was almost knocked down by a ball of fur, jumping up at her and demanding attention.

"Good morning, Hudson." She slurred, patting the dog absentmindedly, while searching for something to hold on to. "Did you sleep well?" she asked huskily, smiling at her old friend. She was slightly surprised when he suddenly sidestepped her and ran full speed into the direction she had come from. _Oh no…_she groaned inwardly and went after him. She just saw him enter the room she had just left and before she could reach the opened door, she heard a thump and a deep groan. Liz cringed, but didn't stop, entering the room and leaning against the door frame. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and grinned at the sight before her.

"I thought you didn't like him being in bed." She said, drawing up her brows.

"Since you left me I had to find someone else to cuddle with." The raspy voice answered, slightly obscured by the dog's fur.

Liz laughed, deciding to join her two men in the bed for a few more minutes after all.

Flopping down on the queen sized bed, she was instantly swallowed by the fluffy blanket. She let out a jaw cracking yawn and shifted onto her side, looking at the man lying next to her.

"Sorry for waking you, Red."

The man in question just smiled at her and nodded. She must have drifted off for a minute or two, because suddenly she felt his hand on her cheek, caressing her skin gently. She opened her eyes, sighing in contentment.

"You should get more sleep, darling." Red whispered, over Hudson's head, a tender look spreading over his face.

"You haven't slept much more than I did." Liz answered, closing her eyes anyway.

The day before had been a strenuous one. Liz had just two weeks ago started her lessons in Washington with a new teacher named Dr. Flamming. Although he was a very nice man, he didn't believe in the human being needing breaks from work or studying. The first lessons had been once again evaluations and after she had been able to get herself in his good graces after achieving a high amount of points, the real lessons had started. Yesterday she had finished the third one and at the end, Red had revealed that she would try to find her first Blacklister with her new skills.

In contrast to Red, who had the outmost trust in her abilities, Liz felt lost, out of her element and as self-conscious as a puppy making it's first steps. Her weapon to overcome this feelings was normally to gather all information she could about the topic in question and simply drown in work and studying. She knew Dr. Flemming and Red wouldn't be happy about her strategy, wanting to use a distinct method and not crazily throw herself at a material. But she simply couldn't help it and after a whole night of research, she was dead on her feet.

"You promised me you wouldn't overdo it." Red whispered, causing her to reopen her eyes.

"I don't want to disappoint you."

Red shook his head slightly. He was absolutely thrilled about Lizzie being more honest to him than ever before. That was one thing that had changed only a few weeks into their relationship. He found it funny that it wasn't only Liz who had to get used to it, but especially Red himself had to learn again how it was to have a person in his life who was honest with him…and wanted honesty in return.

"You won't disappoint me Lizzie. You cant." He leaned over the now sleeping dog and placed a short but soft his on her lips. "It's simply impossible."

Liz bestowed him with one of her sweetest smiles and snatched one of his hands, to draw it to her lips. After dropping a kiss on it, she pulled it under her cheek and nestled into it.

"Maybe I will take a little nap." She sighed and smiled when she felt Red lie back down and the room fell silent once more.

tbc...

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Puh...*sweat pouring down my back* What do you think?


	2. The Impulse

Hello there:)

I am sooo glad you liked the Prologue! I was like wiping the seat off my forhead everytime I read your reviews and then I smiled broadly;) So thank you for that and I really hope I wont disappoint with the next chapter.

For me I called this chapter a monster chapter. I dont know why. It's not really too long per se but someohew it was a lot for my brain;)

**Disclaimer: **Please see Prologue

* * *

The Impulse

_The day before…_

Dr. Flemming stared at his pupil through the glass window and frowned. He was acutely aware of Raymond Reddington breathing down his neck and awaiting him to say something.

"She's good." He finally pressed out.

The clicking of Reddington's heels made the doctor shiver slightly but he tried not to show anything when the man came into view beside him.

"What's she doing?" he asked evenly.

"She's trying to crack a cryptographic code."

"Which one?" Reddington asked curiously.

"Well…she has worked her way through the substitution ciphers three hours ago. Then she had taken a look at rotor cipher machines and half an hour ago she started on disk encryptions."

"I guess that is a good speed for a beginner." Reddington commented, grinning lightly, not able to hide his proudness.

"Yes." Dr. Flemming agreed but something in his voice made Red turn and eye him skeptically.

"Something on your mind doctor?"

"She gets easily distracted."

Red looked back at Liz who was concentrating on the keyboard and monitor in front of her, not seeing any sign of her being distracted. There was no light in the room she was sitting in. The only thing illuminating her face was the blue light coming from the computer in front of her.

"Not right now." Dr. Flemming continued. "She tires easily and then her concentration is dropping radically. That's not good." He explained.

"She's not used to work like that. And besides, she is still in psychological care so she won't be on the top of her game for a while."

"True enough." The doctor nodded, but didn't look convinced. "She's used to work chaotically…without any strategy."

After a short pause, Red inhaled deeply.

"Is she ready to find someone for me?"

Dr. Flemming looked surprised. He looked back and forth between his pupil and Reddington a few times and finally thought about the question.

"Depends on who she is supposed to find. We haven't started to refine her profiling skills at all."

"How fast can you teach her at least the basics?"

Dr. Flemming scratched his head, his eyes not leaving Liz' form.

"A few days."

"Start now." Red growled and stepped back, taking seat in his usual chair in the corner of the observation room, waiting for Liz to finish and join him.

_Two hours later…._

"I am so ready to go to sleep."

"I can imagine that, sweetheart. And I've heard from Dr. Flemming that you are doing really good."

Red let Liz sit down in the car first and followed her swiftly.

"I actually know that you are watching me when I have my lessons." Liz told him admonishingly. On the one hand, she felt a bit awkward doing all those new things with someone observing her but on the other hand it gave her a sense of security to know that she wasn't alone in this. "Don't you have business to take care of? Usually Saturdays are filled up with meetings in your agenda. "

"Ah…nothing is more rewarding than watching you work, Lizzie." He answered, leaning over and finding her lips with his. Liz willingly deepened the kiss, losing reality for a few seconds, before Red pulled back slightly. "I take the last sentence back. THIS is more rewarding!"

Liz only shook her head, still smiling at him.

"Lizzie." His tone suddenly changed from gentle and playful into serious and Liz knew, that wasn't a good sign. "I need your help."

"Mine?" Liz' mouth fell open in surprise and she stared at him.

Red didn't bother answering, only started to explain.

"There is someone we need to find." He started. "Around ten years ago I was supporting a school for protégée children in England. Suddenly some of them started to act strange."

"Strange?"

"Too focused on one particular topic."

Liz waited for elaboration but nothing came forth. So she asked.

"And what happened then?"

"They ehm…how do I say it…have lost their bearings."

"They…what? Couldn't take it? Left the school?"

The car drove over a particularly bad street and Liz reached out for Red's arm to hold herself balanced. Red chuckled darkly.

"No, sweetheart. They became laterally insane. Gone barmy, bananas, mad, coo-coo…."

"Alright, alright, I've got the picture." She interrupted him. "Did they survive?"

"No. They committed suicide."

"That's horrible, Red."

Another bump in the road made Liz slide into Red. Although they weren't displaying affections in public, including in front of Dembe, they sometimes made exceptions. This was one. Red threw his arm around her waist and pulled her to him.

"Yes it is."

Both fell into deep thoughts, not talking and Red finding Liz's hand and caressing her knuckles with his thumb.

"I hate to ask you this, Lizzie." He interrupted the comfortable silence. "But I really need your help to find him. From a reliable source I've heard that there were already two suicides in another school that is specializing in teaching highly intelligent adults." He breathed deeply, before continuing. "I know that you just started your lessons and you are still in need of therapy but it is one bad guy I want to have off the streets as soon as possible and I can't think of anyone more adequate for this job than you, sweetheart."

"Why? Because I won't charge?" Liz quipped, not knowing how else to react. It made her feel uncomfortable to know that Red was depending on her and trusted her abilities that much.

"No. Because you are one of them. You are a protégée, Lizzie, AND a profiler. Who could be better than someone like you to find out what this guy is after?"

Liz didn't say anything. Something about what Red said was bothering her but she couldn't isolate the feeling to examine it further. Dr. Flemming hasn't explained to her how to train this particular skill. It would be very convenient to be able to simply listen to that inner voice and interpret it. Most of the time it was right.

"Of course I'll help." She said instead, smiling at Red.

Red patted her hand, sighing in relief and nuzzled his nose into her hair, inhaling deeply.

"Don't worry, darling." He whispered. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Liz shortly questioned this exclamation. Why would he think that something would happen to her? But the warmth of Red's body, his caresses made the exhaustion take its tall and she drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

Only half an hour later, the car stopped in front of Red's recently purchased house. It was a three-story building with a massive garden all around it. The entrance was hidden from view by tall bushes on either side of the little pathway, leading from the gate at the street to the mahogany door. The house was painted in simple white, with a grayish roof.

Red sat silently in the car, looking at the house in a dreamy haze. He was aware of the fact that although she was spending more nights than not in this house with him, the woman currently sleeping with her head on his shoulder wasn't at all ready to move in with him, but his heart was pleading for stability. For a family of some kind. Red also knew that this was not possible. Not anymore. He had spent the last twenty years with building up a reputation that was now not only gaining respect from a lot of shady people but also attracted danger whenever things seemed to look better and more peaceful. It was as if he had handcrafted the very noose that was now choking him.

With a brisk shake of his head, Red dismissed those dark thoughts, accepting the time he had with her as a temporary blessing and turned around to regard the still slumbering Liz.

Her face wasn't as relaxed as he would have liked it to be, but he could understand why she wasn't sleeping that well. He had been present every single lesson she had taken and his mind was most of the time reeling with information, but Liz was just soaking it in. From the first lesson on, he had been asking and telling her repeatedly not to overdo it and he didn't know if she simply wasn't reaching her limit yet or if she was just too eager to learn to acknowledge those limits. And although Dr. Flemming had told him that she tired easily, she never stopped. She just continued and Red imagined that that was the reason for her concentration dropping so dramatically. And the doctor was right. That wasn't good. Only today she was admitting to be tired for the first time.

Either way, the human body had to get some rest once in a while and that's what he was there for. Reminding her that she wasn't a machine.

"Lizzie?" he nudged her gently and chuckled when she jumped up, almost hitting her head on the roof. "Calm down, it's just me."

"Don't scare me like that." She said, yawning luxuriously.

"C''mon, sweetheart. We both need a real nap."

They exited the car, with Red helping her out, taking her hand in his and leading her through the gate and onto the stone path.

Dembe was following, a couple of feet behind them, fiddling with his cell phone.

Just when they were approaching the door, the heaven opened up and a warm summer-rain poured down on them. Liz jumped up with a girlie shriek and sprinted the few steps left to the entrance, pressing herself flat against the wood. To her astonishment and mild annoyance, Red and Dembe didn't even quicken their pace a little bit. They just grinned at her and slowly approached.

"Are you made of sugar, darling?" Red drawled at her, while Dembe unlocked the door, walking in.

"Oh, shut up you." Liz huffed but smiled. When he wanted to pass her, she suddenly grabbed his tie and held him back, slightly pulling so that his face was directly in front of hers. "Actually…." She purred. "it kind of is my secret fantasy to make out with you in the rain."

Her other hand started to trace a path down his chest, over his belly and hooked a finger between two buttons of his vest.

Red felt sweat breaking out on his back, his eyes wandering from left to right, to make sure no one was seeing them.

"Ehm…"

"HA." She exclaimed loudly, letting go of him and poking her index finger into his chest. "Finally I caught you off guard." She shook her head. "And you are speechless…wow." An evil grin appeared on her lips. "That's for all the times you have been messing with me…"

"Oh you little…" Red smirked at her.

"Nah nah, Red. Don't say anything you will regret later." Her grin grew even more and she walked into the house, leaving an amazed Red behind her.

_And I thought she was too tired._

By the time he had shed his vest and shoes, Liz was nowhere to be seen and Hudson waiting at Dembe's feet to get a treat.

"Don't let him wait too long, Dembe. He can get really moody." Red told him

"Are you talking about Hudson or yourself?"

Red huffed and laughed at the same time and turned around, raising his arms in resignation.

"Is today the gang-on-Red-day? I feel flattered..." He turned his back on Dembe and only twisted his head slightly to his right when he added: "…but stop it or _I_ will start to play and you wouldn't want that."

He didn't see Dembe chuckle and coo to the dog, feeding him now chunks of his sausage.

Red slowly went up the stairs, hardly making any noise with his sock clad feet, making his way to the far end of the hall where the bedroom was situated. Halfway there, he stopped dead in his tracks, frowning and focusing on the door at his left. It was slightly ajar and a blue light flickered softly through the open crack. With a discontented look, he pushed open the door and leaned against the frame.

"Lizzie…" his voice holding a slight taunting in it. And he knew she understood what he wasn't happy about. Her face scrunched up in embarrassment and she sent him an apologetic look.

"I just wanted to see…" she paused when she saw him shaking his head.

"I know you wanted to but you were tired as far as I can recall."

"Yeah well…I didn't know then that I was supposed to find a Blacklister." She faced the computer again, not wanting to discuss this topic any further. She had to concentrate on the information she had found about the school and then…

"Elizabeth…" his tone was sharp, cutting like a knife through her thoughts. Suddenly he was kneeling beside her and searching her eyes.

"You promised." He whispered, emotions dripping from every word.

"I know. I'm sorry." Liz sighed. He just wouldn't understand how she felt. The pressure that she felt. Even more than the first time they've met. Her therapist had told her not to suppress those feeling. To confide in someone she trusted and Liz tried but it didn't always work out right. But she _was _trying.

"I just…I feel like I have to start working right now. Otherwise I will think I haven't don't my best to find this guy."

And more often than not she got rewarded for it, which made trying easier every time.

"At least let me help you." Red huskily said and stretched a bit to reach her lips with his. Their eyes closed and for a few seconds there was no thinking and no talking. When a low moan escaped Red, Liz drew back and smiled.

"Help me with what? Distracting me."

Red didn't answer. He didn't have to, because his smirk was saying enough. Liz jerked her brows upwards and patted gently the side of his face.

"You could tell me more details about those schools and the people. I am sure you know more about them than a normal donator would."

He nodded, dragged another chair next to her and started to tell her the tale of a horrendous time.

xx

_It was a sticky day and Red was constantly sweeping seat off of his forehead. Although the car had_

_Climatization, the sweat pour couldn't be halted. _

_"You can leave me at the side entrance, Dembe. I am not fancying a walk through the garden today."_

_Two minutes later Red was sauntering up the few steps to the schools side entrance and grasped the door handle, pulling it open. At once, he was surrounded by a horde of children, screaming, yelling and laughing. He smiled and raised his arms, trying to save his documents he was holding in his right hand. Slowly he made his was through a long hallway and tried to remember where the directors office was. Finally he was standing in front of a door, that was adored with an engraved name. _

_Prof. Dr. Manfred Sheer_

_Red's longtime friend who has dedicated his life to help protégée children to find their place in society and also to teach them the right things and in the right time._

_Red smiled and knocked._

_The door swung open and a bald, skinny man around the age of sixty stood before him. _

_"Ray!" he called out happily, dragging him into his office by the sleeve of his jacket._

_ The office wasn't small but it was clustered with mountains of paperwork, books and folders. A typical professor, Red thought while greeting his friend with a hug and a clap on his back._

_"How have you been fairing, Manfred?"_

_"Oh, it is so good that you are here, Raymond. I have some grief with a few of my students. Maybe you can help me."_

_Red let himself fall into a comfortable chair but instantly jerked back to his feet when something poked him sharply. His lips pressed together in amusement, when he picked up the open jar of toothpicks and put them on the desk. Manfred only smiled at him sheepishly and sat down himself in another chair._

_"Tell me about the problem." Red said, sitting back down._

_Manfred sighed deeply, a shadow crossing over his wrinkled face._

_"Some of my best students started to develop…ehm…a strange behavior. We teach our students to portion their work. Not to work hours without any breaks…" Manfred laughed. "Although it is really hard for some of them. Most of them have it down after only a few weeks."_

_"Why is that so important? We all pull all-nighters occasionally. If I remember my school days…it was more a marathon of all-nighters in fact."_

_"Yes, indeed." Manfred chuckled, for a second going back into his own school days and nodding agreeably. "But the brains of those children don't work like hours do. Even if they sleep, they don't stop to think, to solve puzzles or create new once. They have to actually learn how to quiet their brain." Manfred sighed. "Those children I am talking about. They were controlling themselves. It was almost normal for them and now…suddenly they forgot about it. They work through every break, through every vacation, only pausing when they almost fall asleep on the desk. I don't know what's going on."_

_"Did you ask them?"_

_"Of course I did. I even talked to their teachers and they told me it simultaneously. Around two week ago. The children themselves claim not to work different then they usually do. It seems as if they were… I don't know…brainwashed or something."_

_Red pulled with a hand on his neck muscles, trying to stop the approaching headache._

_"How could I help you?"_

_"Just tell me what you see when you look at them. You may not be a protégée but I know you have mad skills when it comes to assess people. You could make could money in the profiling field." He chuckled at the last sentence._

_"Well…" Red sighed humoredly. "It's far too one-sided. And the icome? Naaah…I prefer staying in my métier." He stood up abruptly, put his hat, he had held in his hand the whole time, on his head and gesture to the closed door. "Lead the way. I take a look at those students."_

_Manfred sprang up, almost ran through the door and waved at Red who had problems to keep up with the much older man. _

_When they reached a vast corridor with a big window on the left side, they slowed down and looked through it. Obviously it was one of the classrooms and Red recognized it was a laboratory. Only three students were in there. They were in their teens and two of them were tyoing into their laptops and one was reading. _

_"I don't see anything wrong with this. This is a school with high standards, you know." Red quipped at his friend._

_"Yeah…but they are doing this for over two days…without sleep. Exact same position."_

_"What?" Red's sharp intake of breath showed Manfred that his friend now understood why he was worried. "What are they working on?" _

_Manfred's surprised look made Red chuckle._

_"You didn't ask? You didn't even look? Oh Manfred…"_

_"You wanna go in and look for yourself."_

_"I am not the teacher here."_

_"C'mon. You have a good way with young people. You'Re cool."_

_"Stop the flattery." Red growled. "But I will go in there. Don't think that you actually made me."_

_Without waiting for another word, he left his friends side and made his way into the laboratory. _

_The room was silent, except for the rapid clicking of the keyboards. It was hot in there and Red couldn't imagine working for hours in here. Slowly he walked between the numerous white tables and reached the first student. In fact it was a female and didn't seem to register him at all. Red glanced into her book and saw a detailed explanation about a cryptographic machine red had never hear about. He walked further down and looked at the screen from the second student who didn't seem to see him either. He was typing a code into a program. Red assumed that he was actually writing the program and the only thing he could understand was that the program was supposed to filter true answers from false once. Nothing interesting there, Red thought and walked away and to the third student. His display was showing Red something different and more interesting. In an interval of maybe two seconds there were pictures of people flashing over the screen and the boy was staring at them as if he was trying to memories them. Maybe he did memories them. Red shrugged his shoulders and went back to the door and back to his friend. _

_Explaining to him what he had seen, both man had to admit that it wasn't making any sense. Those thing weren't in the students learning program but they also weren't anything to be frowned about in this school. _

_"What would you do?"_

_"Get them psychological therapy. It's the only thing I can tell you right now. I am no expert in the behavior of those people but it concerns me that you are worried because I do know that YOU know their behavior."_

_An hour and a tea later, Red said goodbye to his friend and asked him to keep him updated on the subject. Manfred promised and had made good on it when he called Red only three weeks later informing him of the suicide of the female student that Red had seen. Red had been shocked to say the least and by the time the second suicide occurred two weeks after the first, he had been more than simply worried. This was not normal. Obviously something had driven those students to act the way they did. Red had run a background check on the teachers that were responsible for the classes the students had been in and also the students themselves had been investigated. Their friend, their families and people they frequently had contact with, had been screened and every single one cleared._

_The only thing the students had in common were the school they visited and their IQ level. All three had the very rare level of highly advanced, which meant an IQ of at least 145 and in their cases over 150. _

_Another four weeks later, the third student took his own life without a note or anything that would give them even the slightest hint what had been the cause._

_Red had tried to find a catalyst with every resource he could get to work with him on that case but to avail. There was simply nothing to find and the police just shrugged it off as freak children not being able to handle the pressure. And finally even Red had to give up._

_ xx_

"This is horrible…" Liz repeated her words from a few hours ago and wiped a her tired eyes and drawn face. "You didn't try to get him later on."

"How? I wasn't even sure if there WAS someone to get. Of course I believed Manfred when he told me that it wasn't normal behavior but maybe they were pumping each other up. Competing about better results and finally loosing themselves in their own minds."

"But you are sure now?"

"The second school. It's the same MO. There is no way that this is a coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences."

"I agree with you. And I can understand why you asked me to help."

Red nodded and glanced at his wristwatch.

4:35 a.m.

"We should go to bed, sweetheart."

Liz agreed with a nod and they made it to bed in only five minutes. Before they fell asleep, Lizzie remembered something she had wanted to ask Red.

"Can I talk to Manfred? He may be able to tell me some useful things."

Red groaned and opened his his.

"This will not be possible, darling. He dies three years ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Red."

"He had Leukemia." Red whispered. "But he dies relatively fast and didn't have to suffer too long."

They stay silent.

Finally sleep overwhelmed them and they closed their eyes, still in deep thoughts.

tbc...

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So? Disappointed? Like it? Suggestions about correcting something? Tell me:)


	3. The Realization

Soooo...I am sorry for the delay...but as I already told you, I have some problems with this story. Personally, I think this chapter is really not good but I had to put all the infomraitons somewhere that we will need to catch (or not catch) this strange guy. Well..it might be boring but I couldn't change it too much because the next chapter will be more action like so there will be not much talking;) Yelling...yes...talking...nope:))

Thank you all for reviewing, following and all! I am sorry I didnt have time to write you PM's but I am so crazily busy right now that I just didnt get around to it

. But I thank you so much for taking the time to support me!

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not minde(For details, see Prologue)

* * *

The Realization

_Present Day…_

When Red woke up the next time, he felt a warm pressure on his shoulder and smiled contently. Liz had developed a preference for his body, regarding her sleeping positions. It was really nice and he had to admit to himself that he had missed that feeling. Waking up in the morning with someone pressed against him. Slowly he turned his face, to look at his slumbering love, when suddenly he looked straight into to black eyes and a wet nose touched his own. A low growl escaped his throat and the giggle he heard made him cringe.

"Sweetheart, you will pay for this."

"What, Red? I didn't put his head there. He really likes you." She giggled again. "And you must like him too, otherwise you would have shoved from the bed when he jumped onto the bad in the first place." Liz was leaning against the window frame, where she had watched the birds playing in the garden, and laughed at Red's surprised face. "You are more predictable than you think."

"I don't think so." He answered, freeing his arm from the sleeping dogs head. "You just know me too well." With a subtle stretch of his limbs, Red stood up and walked up to the smiling woman. She was beautiful Although, he could see dark smudges under her eyes, she was still the most beautiful creature he had seen for years. And it wasn't just her glossy hair that was right now sticking out in a few directions, it weren't her long, lean legs, neither her baby blue, doe-like eyes. It was the smile, or better said, what laid behind it. What he saw in her look. The kindness, the strength and the loyalty.

His arms encircled her waist and he sighed when her cheek touched his chest.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"Good morning." She sighed and brushed her hands over his belly when she encircled his waist.

"It's Sunday."

"I know." Red chuckled.

"Can we have breakfast in bed?" Liz asked quietly and Red frowned at her.

"Of course."

_Push or not push? _

"Are you ok?" his fingers threaded through her heavy stresses and he thought he heard her purr.

"Of course I am. Just a bit tired."

"Aha…" Red murmured into her ear and pushed her back a few inches. "I'll go make some breakfast. Stay here and I'll be back in twenty minutes."

The smile she gave him made Red narrow his eyes at her and point his index finger at her chest.

"Do not even THINK about getting paperwork or similar things in here. This bedroom is a work-free zone, understood?"

Liz rolled her eyes but agreed with a defiant "alright." and walked back to the bed, jumping onto it.

Red could only shake his head half in amusement and half with irritation. He didn't trust her to not run into the office the second he vanished from her sight but he didn't look back. It was second nature to her and even if it wasn't really healthy, Red knew how this business went. His job wasn't healthy and he chose it freely. He may have had good reasons but it still had been wrong. He regretted many things but at the end of the day, he wouldnt change it. If he did, Liz probably wouldn't be alive right now. And that was one sacrifice he wasn't willing to make.

Reaching the kitchen, his hand tightened around the coffee pot and he hissed in pain when he felt hot liquid burning the skin of his palm.

"Damn…who left the coffee…."

"I see you are trying to escape your thoughts with help of pain. Is that wise?" the deep voice asked behind his back.

"Dembe."

"No need to explain or answer." He didn't even try to hide the smug look on his face, while he prepared a tea for himself.

"Better start making breakfast, Dembe. I swear…why do I even pay you?"

Before Dembe could answer, Liz' shrill voice boomed through the house, making everyone, including Hudson, who had followed Red downstairs, jump.

"RED! RED, HURRY! COME HERE!"

Dembe couldn't even look fast enough to see Red taking off, pounding up the stair, calling Lizzie's name.

Out of breath and muscles tense, ready to defend himself and Liz, Red stormed into the office space, finding Liz kneeling over scattered papers.

"What?...Lizzie!?"

She looked at him questioningly, surprised by his hard breathing and gruffness in his normally smooth voice.

"Did you run here?"

"Of course I did! You yelled almost the whole house down, Lizze!" he instantly regretted yelling at her, but she had scared him almost to death and he had to calm down yet.

"Sorry…" she murmured and turned back to the notes on the floor. "…but it finally came to me. It was teasing the edges of my brain the whole time…tickling. You know the feeling when you have to sneeze but can't? Kinda like that…"

"What…?" but Red didn't have a chance to say or ask anything.

"And then it came so violently like this long awaited sneeze…almost painful and…" she stopped abruptly when hands grabbed her upper arms firmly, turning her towards Red.

"Slow…down…" he told her, calmly now. "What did you find?"

"It's not really what I found. It's more about what my brain thought up. Or what OUR brains think. You told me to find out what this guy wants, right?"

Red narrowed his eyes. It didn't make any sense to him yet. "So?"

"It's wrong!" she said loudly, starting to gesticulate excitedly.

"What is wrong? Lizzie, c'mon…try to explain it at least a little bit. I want to partake in your happiness."

"It's the wrong question, Red. The wrong destination. It's not about what HE wants. It's about what protégées want!"

"They didn't want to die, Lizzie."

"No, that's not what I mean!" Liz scratched at the scar on her wrist, until Red enveloped both hands into his, preventing her from falling back into her painful tick. Liz took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"The destination, in this case the death, is not the important aspect of the journey. It's not even the destination, because I think he doesn't have one for himself. They were all doing what protégées tend to do. It is as if you allowed a kid to eat sweets all day. At the end, the child would either stop eating because it felt nauseous or it will end up in the ER because the body won't play along anymore. That's what happened here. I don't think it's murder. It's just a journey they take and end up either surviving…or not."

"But every journey has some kind of…I don't know…purpose. Which one is it here? The things they were researching? Did they research something for someone and when they were done, they died."

"No…they didn't die because they were done. They died because they didn't limit themselves."

"They knew the consequences. They were too smart to just lose control."

"Red, you don't understand. They didn't lose control. They had too much of it."

"Why would more control kill them?"

Liz' expression changed. Again, a shadow flittered over her features and she swallowed hard.

"You know, no one likes to lose control. You should know that."

"Yeah, but I am not killing myself if I lose it. I admit defeat and find another strategy."

"You know as well as I do that control means power. A lot of people would kill for it."

"Didn't you say that he didn't have a goal?"

"I said he doesn't have an ultimate goal for _himself_. That is a difference." She cleared her throat. "I think he wants to create a tribe of some kind."

Red frowned at her. Who would want to do that?

"Did you ever look at ants more closely? They have a very unique social system, where every single ant has an individual area of expertise and will do ANYTHING to do it. They happily sacrifice themselves for their family. It's as if they create one organism out of thousands of individual small ones. It's not that uncommon in the animal world."

Red leant back in the chair in which he had seated himself a few seconds ago, feeling his throat go dry as sandpaper.

"Are you saying that you think he is…recruiting protégées for an army?"

"I can't tell you if it is really an army, but from what I gathered about those children, the topics they were studying and from what I now know about those highly intelligent people, is that they are more vulnerable than other people when they are alone. Outcasts really. Freaks. But, if they come together and unite their knowledge and intelligence. THAN they are in control. Powerful."

"I didn't find any people who would recruit them."

"Because you were searching for someone who wanted to harm them. But that is not the case here. They actually form somehow a family."

Red raised his arm and kneaded the tense muscles in his neck.

"How do you know that? Was there information somewhere?"

"No…" Liz voice flattened a bit.

"So where did this idea come from?"

She paused. He could see she wasn't hesitating because she didn't want to tell him, It was something deeper. She looked unsure. Almost like a child not being convinced that what it wanted to say would be right and if she wouldn't get a scold if she dared to be wrong.

"I umh…just. Intuition."

"I am sure it is more than that. But if this is what you are willing to tell me for now, I'll go with them."

She was squirming now, rubbing again her hand over her scar.

"I was profiling him. Yesterday…and today" She suddenly said. "But not the way I am profiling normally. Nor how I was taught to do."

"I thought Dr. Flemming didn't show you how to do it differently?"

"He didn't." she answered. "but I thought I could try it differently. I don't know if it is right, but I tried to think like the victim, not like the criminal. After I profiled them and established their weak points, I concentrated on him. Well…and that is what I came up with."

Red's expression didn't change and Liz was starting to worry when he bent his upper body and his face came to a halt directly in front of hers. His next words made her heart skip a beat and a smile appear.

"You, darling, are brilliant." He told her gruffly but with a tender timbre. Slowly his lips touched hers and he tried to convey all his feeling for her in the kiss, caressing her lips and dropping smaller kiss on the soft skin. "You…are…amazing." He whispered between kisses. He saw her eyes flutter open and a grin creeping back onto her face.

"If I am amazing, then only because you make me amazing."

"Oh no…you made that all yourself."

"Raymond!" Dembe's voice prevented her from answering. She smiled understandingly when Red sent her an apologetic look, while climbing to his feet.

"Do you wish to eat here or will you come down with me."

"I'll come down. I think I am done for now."

When they reached the kitchen, Dembe was holding the phone in his hand and covering it with the other.

"It's Dr. Flemming."

A questioning look past between Liz and Red, but Liz only shrugged and turned her face to the beautifully arranged breakfast on the table. She felt pampered….and she loved it.

"Good morning, Dr. Flemming. How can I help you?"

Liz glanced at him, reaching for a croissant and a knife. The smells were dizzyingly good and she remembered all those times Tom and her had fast breakfast with, most of the time, leftovers from dinner. They had discussed this situation a few times and tried to pay better attention to their eating habits but in the end, everything had stayed as it had been. Wrong and twisted. And now she could say that it had been literally wrong and twisted.

The first bite was pure heaven on her tongue. The croissant was perfectly fluffy and the comfiture she had smeared on it was rich in taste. She closed her eyes briefly and had to hold back a moan. When she opened her eyes and finally swallowed, she looked into Dembe's bemused face and a scowling Red. She ignored Dembe and focused on the man behind him. Something was wrong. Red had deep creases in his forehead and the color seemed to have drained from his face. Liz took another bite from her croissant but this time she didn't concentrate on the food, but simply chewed and swallowed it.

"You think this has anything to do with the deaths?"

Liz' eyebrow raised in question when Red looked at her. He shook his head, indicating for her to wait.

"Yes." He said into the phone. "I understand."

He listened for a few seconds and then hung up without saying goodbye.

The silence grew soon uncomfortable, with Liz finally clearing her throat meaningfully.

When Red didn't make any move to say something, she stuffed the last piece of food from her dish into her mouth, brushed crumbs from her hands and stiffly stood up.

"Bad news, huh?"

Liz wasn't even sure if it was her asking such a stupid question, but by the time she reached the sink, she did believe it and shook her head at herself.

"Indeed bad news." Red's voice was suddenly very near and she thought she even felt his breath on her neck. "A student vanished."

Liz faced him with wide eyes.

"Vanished?"

"Without any sign, letter or anything of that kind. He had also an IQ of over 150. He seems to prefer those people."

She didn't understand his sharp look at her but then remembered what she had forgotten to tell him before.

"You know…there is one problem with this kind of common virtue. There are a lot of different scales that are used to measure IQ's. So if the school measured them at 150 it might be genius in one scale but just bright in another. That's actually what prompted me to profile the victims and not the criminal. It has to be something else, or at least something more basic, that is luring him to them or the other way around."

"But we do agree that he is searching for people over the average."

Liz shortly thought about that. She didn't want to make a mistake. Especially not if there were people simply disappearing.

"Yes, I would agree on that."

"That makes him sound almost boring." Red said flippantly.

"Yeah."

Liz looked Red in the eyes. She could always read him looking at them. They were so expressive. Almost telling her stories.

"Why are you sad?"

"Am I?"

"Don't do that, Red." She warned, albeit with a light tone.

"I am just sorry to see Manfred's dream destroyed."

She knew he was lying and he knew that she was aware of it. But right now was not the time to tell her the one information he had dreaded to here. Not yet.

"How was breakfast?" he changed the subject. "You can't be finished already. C'mon, let's eat some more before we have to visit Dr. Flemming.

As much as she loved the puzzles Dr. Flemming was giving her, Liz would have loved to stay at home with Red. Some cuddling, some more eating of fancy food…more cuddling.

"Are you daydreaming, Lizzie?"

"Nope." She answered cheekily. "Just planning ahead."

xxxxxxxxx

"Good to see you well and ready to get back to work."

Liz rolled her eyes and immediately felt Red's elbow jabbing into her side.

"Could we concentrate on profiling today?" she asked hopefully.

"Come with me." Dr. Flemming murmured, without giving a direct answer, and walked ahead.

Liz smiled at Red, stretched upwards and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

"See you later. And behave."

"I always do." He called after her and waved at her when she rounded the corner and threw him a last look.

He wandered to the by now well-known observation room and waited for Lizzie and her teacher to appear.

But they didn't.

* * *

tbc...

See what I mean? It's kind turning into a psychological crime story...gotta stop that somehow...-

Please tell me what you think! I think I am approaching a writers block!*cry*


	4. The Influence

Hey guys!

I am telling you I am struggling with every word I write. I dont know why. I guess it is really a block that is hovering around the corner. BUT I finished the chapter and hope it is not too horrible.

I know I left you hanging with the last chapter's cliffy but to your immense relieve(I hope) Lizzie is still ok;)

Let's see for how long?:)

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine (for details, see Prologue.)

* * *

The Influence

Lizzie followed Dr. Flemming and after the next corner frowned at his back.  
"We are not going to our usual room?" she asked, trying to catch up with him.

"Not this time. I have the feeling that Mr. Reddington is distracting you. If you want to learn to profile right, you will have to be able to remember as many faces as possible and that requires high level of concetration."

The frown deepened.

"Why? What does that have anything to do with profiling? I mean, I understand to study the mimic and the details on the faces but remembering faces?"

Dr. Flemming finally stopped at a metal door and opened it with a groan. Slowly it revealed a large room, with a huge screen on the wall.

"Wow…." Escaped her and she followed the man inside.

No lights went on, except for a white display right beside the door. Dr. Flemming positioned himself in front of it and gestured to her to walk further into the center of the room.

"Please take a seat on the chair."

Liz had to squint to see the single black chair a few feet in front of her, but finally she walked to it and sat down, noticing from the corner of her eye an assistant walking into the room and whispering something to the Dr. It was uncomfortable. The chair felt like hard wood and she was sure her back would give her hell about it tomorrow and the situation was even more uncomfortable. Used to the feeling of Red watching over her, she felt alone and unprotected now.

Suddenly a white light appeared in front of her, blinding her and forcing her eyes to squeeze shut. When she dared to open them again, there was a man's face on white background on the screen. The picture had just the right size for her eyes not having to scan over it but taking it in, in just one glance.

"I will have to excuse myself for the time being, Miss Keen. I have another student I have to take care of. My assisted Fred, I believe you have met him before, will explain to you what you have to do."

Liz turned in the chair and watched Dr. Flemming walk out and Fred moving nearer to her.

"Hello, Miss Keen." He greeted her politely and smiled. His brown eyes seemed friendly and Liz was amazed by the amount of curly hair he had on his hair. He was at least around forty but his eyes looked like from a young god.

His tall, lanky body came to a halt beside her and he pointed at the big screen.

"There will be faces flashing on the screen. I think there are around 200 people you will have to memorize as good as possible."

"How detailed do I have to remember them?"

"You will find out when you get the questions in the end." Fred smiled apologetically at her. "Dr. Flemming told me to say that, but believe me, it will not be a problem for you."

Liz raised her brows at him and the moment he turned around, she allowed herself another roll with the eyes. Those cryptic answers of Dr. Flemming were driving her nuts some times.

"I will close the door and leave you alone to concentrate."

Before she could even think of something to say, she already heard the door shut and saw the picture being replaced by another…and another….and another.

After her initial bewilderment, her eyes and brain adjusted to the interval of three seconds and she stopped thinking. Just taking the faces in. She didn't even notice the intervals changing into two seconds and finally one.

When the pictures stopped, the door opened again and a visibly aggravated Dr. Flemming came in, handing her a stack of papers.

"There…answer those please and we will go from there."

And she did. A hundred pages and half an hour later, she opened the door and looked right and left into the corridor. Not seeing anyone she wandered back the same way she had walked in the other direction before and rounded a corner, bumping into Red and dropping at least the half of her papers.

"Damn…" she cursed and quickly crouched down to gather her elaborated work. Suddenly she stopped. Her gaze drifted upwards, finding Red's expensive shoes in front of her and his legs not moving. Why wasn't he helping her.  
"What's wrong?" she asked, seeing his tense jaw and the vein pulsing at his temple.

"Where have you been?"

"Ehm…in a room….completing a test…What's going on?" she felt nervous now and a slight pressure on her temples made itself known.

"Dr. Flemming said it would be better if I would leave you alone when you take tests. No watching, no hovering…" Red growled.

"Ahh…you admit to hover." Although she was joking, the strain in her voice was noticeable and Red didn't wait to ask about it.

"Maybe I should ask YOU what is wrong."

"Just a headache."

"That's not what I mean. You should know better than just disappearing. You are aware of the fact that I am there and sitting in the observation room every lesson. Didn't it even cross your mind that I might be worried when you didn't come in? Maybe you should take a break." He suggested, hoping that for once she would listen to him.

"No, I'm fine. I just had to stare at this big screen with all those fast flashing faces…and of course I knew you were waiting. Dr. Flemming left the room earlier and I thought he would let you know where I was. I didn't want to interrupt the test."

"It was the same test this boy was doing I told you about? With the faces?"

"Yeah…but you said it was a common test at the school, right."

Red only nodded. He wasn't a protégée but something was not right here.

Liz' eyes widened and she looked around before speaking in a low tone.

"You are not suspecting Dr. Flemming…."

"I haven't said that."

"But you thought it."

Red looked away. A sure giveaway that those thoughts indeed had crossed his mind.

"That's ridiculous, Red. You handpicked him. He was Manfred's best friend. He wouldn't DO those things." Since Red didn't want to say anything on that matter, Liz simply continued. "He might be a little bit strange from time to time and he can be a really tough teacher but, Red, you are not the impersonation of dull normality and sluggishness either."

"Whatever…" Red sighed. "I would prefer if you took a break for at least one or two weeks."

"What?" the calmness in her voice made Red shiver.

"Lizzie, it's not that I don't trust you to take care of yourself but why should we take the risk? And besides, you are still recovering and maybe it is a bit too much to expect from you to undergo training and therapy at the same time."

"No." still seemingly calm, Liz turned away from him on her heels and started walking away.

"Sweetheart…"

"NO." she whirled back around, an angry grimace on her face. "I will NOT let you rule my life! It MIGHT seem that I am a helpless damsel in distress sometimes and a while ago I kind of lost the ground under my feet but it doesn't mean that you can make decisions for me. And it does NOT mean that I can't handle this."

To Red's horror, he saw her eyes water slightly and her cheeks flush red.

"I don't want to…" he tried but he was too slow.

"I don't care right now. I have to concentrate on my next lesson."

"You do NOT walk away from me like that, Lizzie. We are not finished with this discussion."

The growl stopped her. Slowly she turned around, squinting at him.

"Why? Because it is not what you expect from me? Because it is not what you expect from a protégée?"

"Because I am worried…hell…why are you so stubborn? Its infuriating." his voice was high pitched and angry.

"Right."

Red watched her storm away and the only thing that was racing through his head was:

_What the hell was that?_

xxxxxxxxxx

"Where is Liz?" Dembe's surprised voice angered him and he wasn't even sure why.

"She is conducting tests, as she is supposed to."

"Don't you want to wait for her?"

Abruptly Red stopped, glowering at his friend.

"I am not her babysitter."

Dembe looked taken aback with this harsh answer.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. Everything is fine. Let's go."

Dembe hurried after Red, not understanding at all what could have changed between now and two hours ago

"Where to?"

"We are going to visit my old friend Jennings. He still hasn't paid his bill for the stroganov he'd stolen from me."

Dembe stopped at the driver's door and watched confused at the entrance of the building, hoping that Liz would come out any second and tell him it has been all a joke. Or at least tell him what was going on. But she didn't, so he opened the door, jumped in and fired up the car, driving silently to the destination Red had told him to go.

_Three hours later…_

Dembe glanced at his watch for the fourth time in the last half an hour. It was nearing four p.m. and they had only an hour left to drive back to the laboratory, pick up Liz and get her on time to her therapy session. But Red didn't make any notions at standing up and leaving. Finally, Dembe respectfully neared the two man, who were drinking some unknown beverage, and signaled Red to look at him. He did and politely asked what was on his mind.

"We need to pick up our charge."

Deliberately not mentioning Liz' name or her role in Red's life, Dembe saw Jennings interest peaking anyway.

"Who could that charge be?" he asked, smirking at Red.

"None of your business." He answered and turned his eyes back to Dembe.

"Please do me a favor and go do the job by yourself." He reached for a cherry, floating in his glass and popped it into his mouth. Chewing it slowly, he didn't look back at his friend. "I am busy and my presence is not needed. For a fact, the charge doesn't wish to have an escort."

Dembe was well aware that Red was using the situation to his advantage. In front of Jennings questioning his friend was not possible and he had to obey the order.

"Very well." He said dryly. "I will be back to pick you up in an hour."

"Don't hurry on my account, Dembe. I am in delightful company here." With a wave of his hand, Red gave his whole concentration to his drink and only heard Dembe walk away and close the door behind him.

"Now…" Jennings took a gulp from his glass before continuing. "Who is this charge?"

"A cat which drew out her claws." Red answered darkly.

xxxxxxxx

"Where's Red?" Liz asked when she got into the car.

"He had an urgent business to attend to.

"Ah…" Liz growled. "The business of avoiding me, huh?"

Dembe struggled with himself. The question was on the tip of his tongue, but should he ask her what happened or just let it be. It wasn't his business. While stopping at a red light, he glanced at his passenger through the review mirror. She looked tired. The make-up hadn't helped to cover the dark circles under her eyes and she looked troubled. It was a long time ago that he had seen her like that. The relationship with Red had not only helped Red but also Liz to come out of her shell a little bit. She was a good actress though and a person not knowing her would believe in an instant that Liz was a sunny and positive young woman which had no worries in the world.

"What happened?" he finally asked. To hell with politeness. He was living with them in one house. It WAS his business.

"We had a spat."

"A spat?" doubt crept into his voice and he twisted his head shortly to look at her.

"Alright…" she admitted defeat too fast for his liking.

"It was a bit of a hurricane. We just…I don't know. He was hovering and I just snapped. Or maybe my nerves snapped."

"He has always been hovering. Since the day you met him. What is the real reason you…snapped."

Liz sighed. She thought she was on the way to her therapy session, but re33ight now it seemed as if she was already in the middle of it. But he deserved an answer. He never was anything else but polite and nice to her.

"Dr. Flemming and I went to a different classroom, where Red couldn't watch me. Dr. Flemming said that he assumed that Red was distracting me. I didn't agree but also didn't deny. He left and I thought he would inform Red of my whereabouts but obviously he didn't and when I, by accident, met Red after the test, he was furious. I explained to him what had happened but he told me that he wanted me to take a break for at least two weeks. I didn't agree." Liz stopped to brush a hand over her cheek. She hadn't even noticed the single tear leaving her eye.

"I think he lost his patience. I was learning too slow. I haven't even come around to profiling yet."

Dembe stopped at another red light and turned back to stare at her.

"This is not possible, Liz. He thinks highly of you and believes in your abilities."

"Maybe he believed too much."

A loud honking made Dembe jump back fully into his seat and start driving again. He shook his head. This was never ever the reason. One night Red had confided in Dembe, that Liz had scored not only a higher IQ than he had expected but was also learning everything faster than he and the doctor had believed was possible. So for a fact, Dembe knew that this could never be the cause for Red's problem.

"Trust me Liz when I tell you that him being disappointed in you could never be an issue."

"Well…maybe he is not disappointed per se but obviously I am too difficult to live with." She sniffed and before Dembe could tell her how ridiculous this assumption was, Liz spoke again.

"I will walk the rest of the way, Dembe. Can you stop here?"

"That's not a good idea, Liz. It's only…"

"Yes…it's only a few blocks so I can also walk. I need some air."

To Liz' relief and Dembe's dismay, the car in front of them wanted to park and stopped the whole traffic.

"I will get a cab home so you don't need to fight your way through this traffic. Thanks for the lift, though."

With that, she opened the door, got out and shut it again.

"Damn it." Dembe swore under his nose and dialed Red's number on his cell phone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The walk had done her good, Liz concluded when she reached the huge building in which her psychologist rented an office. She genuinely liked the woman. Not only because Red had told her about his own sessions with her, but because she was a gentle soul, which had an calming effect on her. Liz felt comfortable enough to tell her some personal things she never would have told anyone else, except maybe Red.

Liz swung her gaze between the stairs and the elevator and finally picked the stairs. Some exercise would calm her even further and the session could begin.

A minute after she knocked at the well-known door, it opened and a green eyed, middle-aged lady appeared behind it.

"Hello Elizabeth. So nice to see you. Come in."

This woman was also the only one who could call her Elizabeth without her wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"Hello, Dr. Davis. Nice to see you too."

The walked to the sofa and chairs in the middle of the room and sat down.

"Would you like some tea? You look a little bit nervous, dear."

Liz smiled, but shook her head.

"No tea, thank you. I actually don't feel so good."

"Why is that?"

"I had a fight with Red."

The words were simply flowing out of her. She hadn't known that she was even able to be that open with someone. Speaking without thinking was normally unthinkable for her. Red had pried open the can, so to speak, but Dr. Davis had ripped it open fully.

"I am sorry." The woman said, sitting down next to her on the chair. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"Yeah. To be honest it was nothing big in the beginning, but then I panicked and one word lead to the other."

"Why did you panic?"

"I know we have already talked about this, but I got the impression that he…" she paused. Alone the thought hurt. "That he was bored or sick of me. That he lost interest because I was just not enough."

"Aaah…" Dr. Davis exclaimed knowingly. "My dear, you have to give yourself time. Your psyche has to heal. And as we already established before, those feelings of unworthiness are simply a product of your fear of being abandoned by people you love. It's only a fear and you are more than capable of conquering it."

While she was speaking, Liz watched and listened to her intently. Slowly she thought she knew why she was so comfortable with her. She talked and behaved like Red did around her. But why couldn't she be that open with him then?

"I know. I mean my brain knows it but when…when something happens…I don't even know what it is. It's always something different. Then I panic. Just like that. I can't think clear enough to see the situation for what it is. Harmless."

"I can't heal your soul, honey. I can only help to mend it."

"I guess that means that it will take time, right?"

"You are a very bright woman, darling." Dr. Davis laughed, but Liz felt a stabbing pain in her head and a thought penetrated her mind. _Bright…hah…that's what you all want me to be._

"Are you alright?"

Momentarily, Liz felt disoriented. Were those her thoughts?

"Yeah…" she answered meekly and hoped that Dr. Davis wouldn't notice that she was feeling very strange.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What do you mean you didn't stay with her?" Red's growl was quiet, but Dembe knew this tone and he didn't want to think of the situations that followed it.

"She told me she would be alright to walk the few blocks and when a car stopped in front of us and I had to slow down, she simply got out."

"Why, pray tell, didn't you SIMPLY follow and wait for her?" his eyes weren't narrowing. For anyone else he would have looked like calmness itself, but the boiling blood in him made his vein, once again, throb violently, and Dembe swallowed.

"I don't know. Maybe because I still heard your voice in my head, which told me that she didn't need an escort."

That was a hard blow for Red and It showed. The vein seemed to calm slightly. The still present alcohol in his blood was making his emotions go up and down like a roller-coaster and he was sure that in the near future he would be sick.  
"You should have known better: SHE should have known better" The throbbing came back and now his hands balled into fists. Slowly he stepped right up to Dembe, his nose almost touching his. In a calm voice and eyes void of any emotion except anger, he demanded.

"You will move your behind THIS instant into your car, go out there and search for her. I don't care if it takes minutes, hours or days…I don't want to see your face anywhere near this house until you found her and if you dare to come here without her, I will personally make sure that you will never again want to undress in front of a lady. Did I make myself clear, Dembe."

"You made your point absolutely clear."

Both man spun around to the hallway, seeing Liz leaning against the wall and looking like hell. Dembe didn't think it was possible, but the vein on Red's temple began an even wilder rhythm.

"You." He spat, but refrained from yelling. Dembe swallowed and bit back a comment.

"Can you please be so polite and explain to me what this stunt was meant to accomplish?"

"What stunt are you talking about?"

Liz had gotten a cab and come home, intending to apologies to Red, explain what has been going on in her mind and then have a long, long make up session. But now her anger was rising again. What stunt did he mean? If he was so concerned for her, why didn't he accompany her to the therapy? Although she was aware of the fact that she had questioned him more than once why he insisted on sitting in the waiting room and waiting for her, for sometimes over two hours, she would have never thought that she would miss his calming and supporting presence after the session. Now she knew she did miss it.

"The stunt where you tell Dembe to let you out five blocks before your destination and as if that is not stupid enough, you also tell him not to come back for you."

"So now you've degraded me from brilliant to stupid in only a couple of hours. That's great. Why? Because I didn't do what you wanted? Or what you expected?" again the same accusation was voiced and Red felt his stomach turn.

"That is completely ridiculous, Lizzie, and you full well know it. It is dangerous and I haven't thought you would take risks like that so lightly. Especially after the last adventure we've had."

A low laugh escaped her and she brushed a stray hair from her face. Her cheeks were flaring red with anger and her eyes were glazed over with fury. Red remembered the few moments before she had rammed the damn pen into his neck and he knew that right now she was just second away from doing it again. A fleeting glance over the room assured that there were no pens lying around and he relaxed slightly. He sighed.

"Ok. Let's just say that it wont happen again and I am alright with it."

"What?" incredulously she stared at him. "I am NOT your prisoner, Red!"

"I have never seen you having to behave like one, Lizzie."

"Maybe I was too stupid not to see it."

She turned around and walked briskly up the stairs.

"I will sleep in the office." She called down and a second later the door boomed shut.

The moment she leant her back against the door, she grabbed her head with both hands and winced in pain. The jabbing inside her head was coming in waves but it was getting worse. The white flashes in front of her eyes were blinding her and her pulse was racing.

After only ten seconds, the agony suddenly stopped. The pain vanished gradually and the flashes stopped. Liz breathed in deeply and wiped the fine sheen of sweat off her forehead. Her pulse was slowly calming too but she felt as if something had changed. She just couldn't put her finger on it.

tbc...

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Hate it? Like it? Tell me, please:)


	5. The Sin of Ignorance

Hi there.

I swear to you I am fighting this block and I came up with this a bit shorter chapter. I am sorry for the delay btw.

I want to thank you all soooo much for the kind reviews and I tell you this is the only thing keeping me on track right now! So thank you very much from all my heart.

Now, here comes the next chapter and I really hope it is alright.

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine (for details go to the prologue.)

* * *

The Sin of Ignorance

The night was only beginning, when Red turned for the tenth time onto his other side. The bed was empty, cold and he felt lonelier than he had in the last ten years. When he heard a scratching at the bedroom door, Red threw back the duvet and shivered when his feet touched the cold floor. Without clicking the light on, Red made his way to the door. He opened it, smiling at the dog pushing inside and just when he wanted to close it again, a small movement made him stop. Slowly Red opened the door wider and tried to see something in the dark hallway. Stepping out, he almost let out a childish scream when something brushed his leg but when his gaze snapped downwards, his fear dissipated, and left room for a clenching feeling in his heart.

"Oh Lizzie."

He knelt down, eyeing the woman sitting on the floor, with her knees pulled as tight to her chest as possible.

"I'm…so…sorry." She sniffed, not looking at Red.

Red didn't tell her she didn't have to apologies He didn't want to insult her intelligence, but he felt confident enough to stretch his hand out and caress her cheek, brushing away a few tears spilling from her eyes.

"It's ok. Come to bed, sweetheart. You're going to catch your death out here."

"I don't…I don't know what happened." She stuttered, while she let Red pull her to her shaking legs.

"You are under a lot of stress…" Red told her quietly, shutting the door behind them. Holding her around the waist, he led her to the bed and watched her sit down gingerly. She was trying to dry her cheeks and was rubbing at her running nose. Red smiled at her with affection. Her eyes were puffy her antics were not even remotely lady-like at the moment, but that was his Lizzie and she looked so damn cute right now. He bent to the right and pulled a Kleenex from a box, handed it to the still sniffling woman in front of him.

Shyly she took it from him and tried to make herself look at least remotely presentable.

"I'm sorry."

"I told you it was alright. I understand."

"It's not. It sounded as if I didn't trust you…but I do. I really do."

The tears came again and Red winced. He wasn't particularly comfortable with crying women. He could deal with a minor breakdown…but this was obviously not so minor.

"I know you do." He sighed and sat down beside her. He didn't touch her though and Liz didn't make a move in his direction either. She felt like a complete jerk. After the headache had disappeared a few hours ago, she had started to feel ashamed and her consciousness had almost killed her while she was pacing the room.

"Red?" she quietly asked, risking a look at him.

"Yes, darling?"

"I know I have a…twisted temper sometimes." She stopped and glared at Red when she heard him snort with laughter. Seeing her look, Red quickly composed himself and held his tongue."Whatever…" she said, turning away and clearing her throat. "What I wanted to say was that this was different. I didn't feel like myself. You know? I just couldn't…" she paused, mouth open and eyes staring at the ceiling as if the answer for her behavior could be found up there. After a while she looked back at Red and sighed in defeat. "I think you were right, Red. The stress of the last months…hell, of the last year is catching up with me and I can't control my reactions. I just snap and then I get this headache and see flashes of white…I just can't think clearly…I only have this feeling of being alone and being not understood and the fear of being left behind is so…overwhelming that I…god Red, I am so sorry."

Now nothing could hold Red back from sliding over to her and pulling her into his arms.

"I know it is hard." He whispered into her ear. "The most important thing is that you are willing to seek help." Red dropped a soft kiss on her temple and pulled her further onto the bed. He rested his back against the headboard and allowed Liz to get comfortable between his drawn up legs, leaning against his chest. He tightened one arm against her middle and the other caressed her soft hair. In the moonlight flittering through the windows, they were shining beautifully and her face looked immaculate.

"Sleep now. Tomorrow everything will look better and we will find a way to help you."

He felt her nod but he could feel her body relaxing into his and Red knew that she was seconds away from sleep.

"I love you, Lizzie."

"Love ya too, Red." She mumbled and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Did you call Cooper?"

"Yeah. He wasn't happy with me." Liz sighed, stabbing at a piece of tomato that was rebelliously sliding away from her.

"I don't care if he isn't happy. You need the rest." Red watched her play with her food for a while, finished his own breakfast finally and stood up with the empty plate in hand. He knew Lizzie would get bored soon, so he had a surprise for her, telling himself it was only to avoid a fight, born out of boredom.  
"I talked to Dr. Flemming today."

Liz glanced at her wristwatch and frowned. It was only eight in the morning and he had already talked to Dr. Flemming? Was she the only one loving to actually sleep in in this house?

"Dembe picked something up for you. "Red nodded at Dembe, who rummaged through one of his pockets and produced a small disk from it. He held the shining object to her and she took it, still frowning.

"What is it?"

"Oh well…" Red stood beside her and grinned. "Since I know how easily you get bored I asked Dr. Flemming to put some exercises for profiling together."

"Oh my…" Liz gasped, grinning wildly.

"Well…Dr. Flemming said he didn't have any time for this kind of extra work…"

He watched Liz' smile fall and continued quickly.

"But his assistant…what was his name?"

"Fred?" Liz helped with a hopeful tone.

"Aah yes. Thank you, darling. So Fred….he volunteered and there is the end product. Over fifty brand new exercises for my, sweetheart. How does that sound?"

Liz squealed into Red's ear, making him flinch slightly and flung herself against him.  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

She let go of him and practically jumped over to Dembe and snatched the disk from his hand.

"Thank you." She repeated to the smiling man and started to retreat upstairs.

"Ehm…Lizzie." Red's serious voice made her stop on the first step.

"Don't forget to rest."

"Yes, daddy…."

Red winced at that comment but didn't comment. This wicked sense of humor. Sometimes it was simply not funny at all.

_Somewhere in a laboratory…._

He was watching his students, his family work in the room below and he was proud. After years of trying to break free from the pressure of society, he finally had found a way of building a family with minimum loss. His brain was whirling with new plans and he was contemplating if it was worth to endanger his family for this one child he wanted to rescue from the clutches of the outside world. Officially, the last member had joined his family only a day ago but there was one child that made his brain itch with want. Not physical want. He hadn't felt that in years but with want to join it to his family. It was like the long lost child coming back home. Like the last brick to a church…or the last nail to his coffin. He wanted the child but his brain was telling him that possessing it would be dangerous. It was a funny thing though, that the smarter they got, the more vulnerable they got but the sense of rebelliousness seemed to grow exponentially with the IQ.

He smiled dreamily. Like a phoenix. So beautiful…so rare…but so hard to hold.

_Reddington's house…._

After being a good girl and resting for three more hours and eating her whole lunch, Red had brought her to the bedroom, Liz was now finally allowed to go into her office and work on her profiling. The first three tests have been more than easy but now she was sitting there for an hour to get the third solved. It was some kind of word game, that was supposed to help her realize what her subject was actually telling her. Nothing fancy really, but there were some words just not adding up. Liz closed her eyes, relaxed her body and tried to refocus. Opening her eyes, she suddenly saw what had been the problem. The words were not to be seen as individual words but were actually a sentence. Scanning over them again, now with a different focus, she drew her brows up in surprise.

_I will not let them control me_

Curiously she brought the words in order and clicked enter, in hope that she had solved the riddle correctly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Red was launching on the couch, waiting for Liz to finish her tests. He raised the glass with the whiskey to his lips, sipping slowly and enjoying the burning going down his throat and finally reaching his stomach. He was acutely aware of Dembe's eyes on him, but until now he had successfully been able to ignore his stares.

"When did you two make up?" Dembe's voice disrupted the silence.

"Last night…"

"Did you go to her?"

Red glared at his friend an took another sip of his drink, before putting it back on the table and leaning his back more leisurely against the back rest.

"No." he answered coolly, wondering what was so funny that Dembe felt like chuckling.

"Ah…" Dembe sighed, still grinning. "And here I was thinking you have gone soft."

Red huffed in response.

"Maybe I did, my friend. But I still know when I am at fault and when I am simply not."

"So you think it was only her…what? Paranoia…or mental instability?"

"She isn't unstable." His voice sharper than he intended, Red surprised himself by snapping at Dembe.

"Raymond…" Dembe started but stopped to think how to word his opinion. He slid to the edge of the chair and clasped his hands together before he spoke.

"This girl up there…she has been through a lot."

"I know."

"She might be able to pretend that she is alright, but she isn't."

"I know." Red started to growl. He didn't need someone to tell him how his girlfriend was feeling.

"She is scared of you abandoning her."

"I KNOW!"  
"So why are you not doing anything against it?"

Both man were now standing opposite each other and Red's stare was penetrating.

"What do you think I should do? I am telling her that I love her. I am telling her that I am proud of her but…" he stopped, shrugging his shoulders in helplessness. He breathed in deeply to calm himself.

"She has to undergo the therapy and I am sure everything will be alright."

Dembe watched him skeptically.

"Are you sure that what happened yesterday was only the product of her being too stressed out?"

"What else should it be?" Red sighed and fell back onto the couch.

"I don't know. I am not the mastermind here."

tbc...

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*peek out from hiding spo* what do ya think? *hides again leaving only one eye out to tread the revuews*:)

Edit: thanks to one of the reviewing guests for telling me about the "conscious" and "consciousness" problem. I corrected it in this chapter and hope I will be able to avoid this mistake in the future. I guess my electronic proof reader doesnt like that word that much, cause I could swear that I actually wrote consciousness;)

Thanks anyway and thanks for reading;)


	6. The Last Straw of Sanity

Here comes another chapter I am not that sure about but hey...I dont want to let you wait too long:)

Thank you all for reading, reviewing and the fav's:) Made once again my day and made me write faster:)

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not minde (for details, see prologue)

* * *

The Last Straw of Sanity

Glancing at the clock on the wall, Red heaved a deep sigh. Lizzie was working on the tests for over three hours now and it was getting late. He couldn't refrain from pacing in the living room, playing his conversation with Dembe over and over in his mind.

From time to time, he patted the nervous dog, trailing every single of his steps.

After another fifteen minutes, Red stopped his nervous movements and ran his hand over his short hair. It was time for a break for Lizzie and a breather from worrying for himself. Slowly walking up the stairs, he came to a halt at the office door and knocked but got no answer. Knocked again and there was still nothing to be heard. The sweat started to pour down his back and he cursed.

"Lizzie, open the door.:"

What was going on here? Now banging at the door, he suddenly stopped all movement. There was a sound. A faint sound that had now vanished.

"Elizabeth!" his voice was shaking, his eyes wide and his mouth open to draw enough air into his lungs.

There it was again. A whimper.

Red's vision suddenly blurred. It wasn't the red hue that he knew was an effect of anger. It was as if his eyes were coming out of the sockets. Tears gathering in them to protect the eyes from any damage. His whole body was shaking and he didn't hear the presence behind him until it was directly at his back.

"Raymond" Dembe's voice was calm, questioning.

"She locked herself in there. I heard a whimper." Red swallowed hard. "Dembe, she isn't answering."

Dembe nodded and disappeared.

"Lizzie." He tried again, but again there was no answer. The only other sound he could here now was the whining of Hudson, who was standing now beside Red.

"I know, I know." Red whispered to the dog. They both looked at Dembe who was sprinting up the stairs with a key in his hand.

"Good thinking, Dembe." Red praised, making room for his friend.

The lock clicked and Red thrust it open as fast as possible. Although he was in a hurry to get to Liz, he entered the room slowly, not knowing what would await him.

"Oh my god…." He whispered. It sounded almost like a moan to Dembe's ears and he walked in behind Red, spotting what had Red reacting like that.

Liz was lying on the ground, curled up in a fetal position, tears flowing down her eyes and blood streaming from her nose. Dembe watched Red approaching her hesitantly, clearly trying to assess the situation and think up a course of action.

"Hold Hudson back." He told Dembe and went in further.

"Lizzie?" he whispered, kneeling down at her side. His hand touched her shoulder, but she flinched, as if he had burned her.

"Hurts…" the moan cut deep into Red's heart.

"Sweetheart, you have to tell me what hurts."

"My h…head…it's splitting…"

Red's hand wandered to her head and his fingers tangled in her dark hair.

"Listen to me, Lizzie. You have to concentrate on my voice and not give into this pain. You hear me?"

"I…am…alone…" she stuttered.

"What?" Red gasped, working one hand under her neck, so that he could support her lolling head.

"Don't…touch." Her voice was slurred and Red had to lean down to her to understand what she was saying. "Hurt…when…touch"

Helplessly Red looked around to Dembe who was still standing behind him with a shocked expression on his face and a hand around a squirming Hudson's collar.

"Call Dr. May, Dembe." he watched Dembe walk out and turned back to Liz.

"Lizzie? Can you hear me?"

A tremble went through his body, when he noticed the blood from her nose dripping drop by drop onto his hand. Her eyes opened but were unfocused. His face only mere inches from hers he whispered into her ear.

"Hold on, darling. Help will be here soon."

"No…help."

The twitches in her limbs were getting worse and her body tried to curl into itself even tighter, but Red sat down on the floor, so that she didn't have a chance to pull away from him. A groan escaped her and suddenly her body went still.

Red's heart stopped for a split second, when he felt her go limp and saw her wide open, not moving eyes. "Lizzie…?" his voice shaking and his body refusing to move in any way.

And then he breathed again.

"Red."

Her voice, though very quiet, almost only a breathe, was quivering and he could hear the tears in it.

"Oh god, sweetheart." He whispered, supporting her head while pulling her from the floor into his body. She didn't move. Arms hanging limply down at her side and the only thing keeping her head pressed into his chest was Red's caressing hand, which was tangled in her hair. He worked against the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. No need to aggravate her further, she would be confused anyway.

"Talk to me, darling." He pleaded, silently.

"What…happened?" the muffled words were not stronger than before, but Red was able to hear them anyway. All his senses were on alert.

"I don't know, Lizzie. You have a nasty nosebleed and were complaining about a headache."

"I don't…feel…headache. Just…tired."

Red changed his position on the floor and pulled Liz into his lap, holding her now more securely.

"Sleep. I will wake you when the doctor arrives."

But he wasn't heard anymore. Liz had already fallen asleep when his arms had encircled her more fully and given her a sense of peace.

"Dr. May will be here in ten minutes." Dembe's voice sounded from the hall.

"Shh…" Red admonished sharply and smiled sadly, when Dembe rounded the corner.

"You can give me a hand, Dembe." He whispered, watched his friend approach them and crouch down in front of them. Slowly he stretched out his arm and wiped away a few drops of blood from Liz' cheek.

"This isn't normal. " he commented dryly, but Red could see the concern in his friends eyes.

"I know." Red whispered, starting to feel stupid repeating the same thing over and over again. But he didn't want to think further about this topic right now. He only wanted to know if Lizzie was alright.

Dembe nodded at Red and worked his arms under the sleeping woman, gently lifting her weight from Red. Still sitting on the floor, Red stared at them for a moment and then rose back to his feet, following his two favorite people into the bedroom, where Dembe laid the woman in his arms carefully onto the soft mattress.

"I'll go down and wait for Dr. May. "

Red nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed and taking Liz' hand into his own.

Five minutes later, he heard the doorbell and two sets of feet pounding up the stairs. The elderly woman coming through the door looked very much like the stereotype of a grandmother but Red knew from experience that she was nothing like that. She could make you feel like a little kid, yes, but she never became weak when you put on your sweetest puppy-dog expression. She could be very persuasive if she wanted to be and Red trusted her with all questions in the medical field.

"What did you get yourself into, Red?" Was the first thing she asked upon seeing the unconscious woman in the bed.

"This is Lizzie." Red told her as if that was explaining everything, and obviously, it did, because Dr. May's expression changed instantly from annoyed to concerned.

"Oh my…" she gasped and came nearer to the bed. "What happened?"

"She was conducting tests and when I came in she was curled up into a ball, lying on the floor. Her nose was bleeding and she complained about a terrible headache and when…" he paused and swallowed hard. "…when I touched her she said it was painful."

Dr. May's face scrunched up into a grimace and she shooed Red from the bed to gain better access to her patient. After checking Liz' temperature and blood pressure and saying nothing at all to Red, she started to stroke her knuckled over Liz' cheek.

"Honey, wake up." She said, grasping with one hand for her bag and producing a little bottle with Chinese Oil to hold it under Liz' nose and wake her up without startling her.

She saw blue eyes slowly opening and immediately searching the room for Red, who smiled reassuringly at her.

"You don't look so hot, honey." Dr. May informed Lizzie and gave her one of her own smiles. "Do you remember how this happened?"

Liz thought about the question for a minute and finally answered, trying not to cough. Her throat felt as if she had eaten sand for at least a month.

"I was doing…tests…suddenly this headache appeared. And then I saw a flash and everything went…blurry and then…black. The next thing I remember is Red touching me."

Red was relieved that her memory of the incident seemed to have come back, but he was still mystified of what to make of it.

"Red told me that he touched you and it hurt-"

"I…" Liz croaked, shaking her head helplessly. "I don't remember."

Dr. May nodded in understanding and scribbled something down into her notepad.

"I think we are finished here." She said and patted Liz' hand in a friendly gesture, smiling at her when the younger woman nodded.

"I will leave some prescriptions, alright?"

Again, Lizzie nodded and Dr. May put all her instruments back into her bag and made her way to the door. In passing, she shot a pointed look at Red, letting him know that she wanted to talk to him. Red followed her and clicked the door shut gently.

"What's wrong with her?"

The woman sighed, handed him a slip of paper with prescriptions and shrugged her shoulders.

"She has a problem with her blood pressure, for sure." She told him, shaking her head. "She's too young for that. Otherwise I couldn't find anything wrong with her physically."

"Nothing?" Red snapped, keeping his voice low though.

"Don't bite my head off." She snapped back, equally passionate. "I am only doing my job. And I am telling you from my point of you, that this girl in there is under too much stress. Nose bleedings and confusion can be a sign of too high blood pressure caused by a too high stress level…maybe even depression."

Red scrubbed his face with both hands in frustration.

"Is she still in therapy?" Dr. May asked.

"Yeah…"

"The psychologist has to be informed about this."

Red nodded, looking sharply at the doctor's bag.

"This examination has never taken place, is that clear?"

"Crystal clear."

Without another word, Dr. May walked down the stairs and Red heard the door shut behind her, announcing her departure.

The door behind him opened and Dembe came to his side.

"Do you believe that it is only a nervous breakdown?"

"Have you been eavesdropping?" with a hint of amusement, Red watched Dembe squirm for a moment, but then Red decided to answer.

"I am afraid to believe something else." he admitted darkly. Dembe eyed him and was sad to see Red's face drawn, pale and in a deep frown.

"If it is something else…" Red continued. "There will be nothing I can do to help."

"But you can try." Dembe's hushed voice told him. "If you don't even want to believe…that's when you really can't do anything."

Red didn't answer. He was thinking feverishly, about his next step, when once again Dembe started to speak.

"I am no psychologist and as I already told you, I am not the mastermind around here. But I can see when someone is not behaving not only strange but completely out of character."  
"Depressions can do that to you…" Red argued.

"Raymond, she was DOUBTING you! Until now, through her whole depression, she was clinging to you like her last lifeline and she was working through all the shi…"

"Language, Dembe!" Red snapped.

"Sorry. So she was working through all the bad stuff that happened to her. Explain to me, why should that suddenly change? She was getting better." He looked his boss and friend in the eyes and saw the doubt in them.

"This crazy behavior began when she started to go to the tests."

"Because it was stressful."

Dembe let out a bitter laugh.

"You know what? I think you are right."

Red looked at him surprised.

"Not about the cause of her behavior." Dembe explained. "But about the fact that love is actually making people blind and do stupid things. You are scared to lose her. And you know what will happen if she was…well…exposed to the same thing those students have been. You simply are refusing to see what is directly in front of your eyes."

With that, Dembe only shook his head in obvious disbelief and disappointment and walked past Red, vanishing down the stairs.

tbc...

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Sooo? too dark? Alright? Let me know:)


	7. The Last Straw of sanity Part 2

Ok, I decided to post the next chapter as the second part of the previous one. It is a bit shorter but it just worked better than as a "real" new chapter:)

Still a bit dark but hey...what can I do...Liz was just begging for it;)

Thank you all so much for the reviews and I think you guys helped me to overcome the block;) At least I write a lot faster again:)

Hope you'll like this continuation:)

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine (for details, see prologue)

* * *

The Last Straw of Sanity Part 2

The deafening silence of the room was something Red would have loved to trade for almost anything in the world. He hated silence in their bedroom. Weeks ago, he had started to see this room as _theirs_ rather than his. Although Lizzie had stubbornly kept her apartment and refused to even think about selling it, she was spending most of her time in his house and Red was sure that she felt more home here than in the apartment a few streets away.

Quietly Red closed the door behind himself, but didn't go in further into the room. He kept his eyes on the figure in the bed and tried to judge from afar, if Liz was awake or not. Her breathing was slow and steady and she was lying with the back to him, so he couldn't do more than only guess. Slowly and with a heavy feeling in his chest, he made his way to her side, pulling a face in surprise when he saw her eyes open and staring out the window, as if she wasn't seeing him at all.

"Sweetheart?" he whispered, his voice gruff and low.

"I am sorry."

Red let himself sit down on the bed and watched her.

"What are you apologizing for?"

She didn't move. Blinking twice as if she was awakening from a deep sleep, her eyes moved to his.

"For becoming a problem."

"That's ridiculous, darling."

He should tell her about their suspicions but she looked so tired. So small. So not ready for this bomb to blow up. With great care, Red lay down on his side, facing Liz and tried to smile.

"You are not a problem. You are the woman I love."

He couldn't see any reaction from Liz and he sighed.

"C'mere. Let's get some rest."

Her voice was small but the content of what she had to say made him shiver.

"Do you mind not touching me too much tonight? I feel…a bit claustrophobic."

Through a deep frown and concern shining from his eyes, Red nodded at her.

"No, of course I don't mind."

Ever the gentlemen, he scoffed at himself and closed his eyes, trying to at least feel the warmth that was usually radiating from her. But he didn't feel anything.

_Next morning…._

When Red opened his eyes, he closed them again as fast as he could. The light was streaming impertinently into the room and blinded him painfully.

Slowly and carefully, he tried to open them again and when he succeeded, he licked his dry lips and stretched his arms over his head. Relaxing his muscles again, Red suddenly startled out of his morning reverie. Voices. Loud voices. Lizzie's voice.

"Oh no…." he groaned and was out of the room in seconds.

"I will NOT stay here!"

"At least wait until Raymond wakes up."

"So that he can tell me not to go to work? Forget it."

Red made his way down the stairs in record time and found himself in the middle of the living room, staring at the scene before him.

Liz was clothed and obviously ready to leave and Dembe was standing beside her, pleading for her not to go.

"What's going on?" Red felt once again stupid asking them to explain something so obvious to him, but he wasn't sure of anything anymore these days.

"I am going to work."

"Well…I guess it isn't…"

"I AM going. I don't care what you say."

Red's brows shot upwards in surprise. Was this the same woman that couldn't move yesterday?

"I didn't say that…"

"You just want me to stay here and use my abilities for yourself." She spat at him and was about to move out of the door, when a strong hand closed the door from behind here. Turning around she looked into Red's eyes, which were a breath away from hers.

"This is getting out of hand, Lizzie." He whispered lowly. "Be careful how far you lean out of the window…you could fall…you know?" His head titled to the side, as if he was trying to see something in her eyes that wasn't there. He felt her breath on his skin and he felt weirdly unsettled when he felt it being slow and calm. His intimidation seemed to have no effect on her. It wasn't as if Lizzie was scared of him normally but he knew that she always felt uncomfortable when he was switching into his criminal mode. In this moment he realized that the woman in front of him was not his Lizzie anymore.

His eyes trailed down to her throat and he couldn't hold back a tick around his left eye.

"Are you scared?"

"Why should I be?" she asked him coolly. Not with anger in the voice, but just void of any emotions. "You still need me. You wouldn't sabotage your own plans. "

A little huff of a laugh escaped Red and suddenly he backed away from her, smiled and nodded.

"Go on your way, Elizabeth." He said, not so see any emotion in her face. "I will not hold you back." Before she disappeared through door, he called after her. "Just don't forget why you are actually doing those tests."

She didn't answer, just walked out and closed the door behind her.

"You just let her go?"

"She has the necklace on."

"Don't you think that she is smart enough to leave it behind if she doesn't want you to follow her."

"Of course she is. But I don't think that she really cares."

Dembe eyed his friend warily.

"What are you going to do?"

"We'll follow her, of course." He laughed humorlessly. "She won't be going to work. Get the car."

Red went back to the bedroom, changed out of his wrinkled clothes into a fresh, black three piece suit and grabbed a black fedora from a shelve. Looking into the mirror on the wall, he sighed and frowned. He was only hoping that the black he was wearing wouldn't be a bad omen.

_Two hours later…._

"Are you sure it is wise to be overworking yourself in this manner?"

Liz didn't hear anything. Everything around her has faded into blackness and the only thing her brain and all her senses were concentrating on were the pictures in front of her and the text floating by in fast speed.

"That's not a test…"

"Leave." Liz snapped and her eyes jumped between pictures and text. She needed to find this one information. One information that would lead her to the goal. Get her the approval of the man she…what? She couldn't remember. But she wanted his approval. His appreciation.

"….and I will inform him about your behavior."

She registered the man behind her spluttering and the door shutting close.

Silence.

The first sharp pain wedging itself into her brain came as a surprise and she had to shut her eyes and hold a back a moan. The flash of white followed the pain almost immediately.

_You are alone. _

She ignored the voice in her head and straightened in her chair. The information had to be somewhere near. The man, and she was sure it was a man, had made a mistake with those students that had vanished. Left a distinct trace, which she was able to follow. Her theory of the man who was gathering a family of highly intelligent students around him has been poofed with the vanishing and she was sure that her newest profile of the man was dead on right. Considering the MO and the theory of family, Liz had calculated on the way to the lab only two hours ago, that the man must be at least slightly over the average IQ level and has never felt like belonging anywhere. Feeling to smart for the average group and too dumb for the superior group. He never cared for the different IQ scales because he simply compared his own abilities to those around him and didn't have the need to measure them. So having now a family of highly intelligent members around you, who were actually adoring you was quiet a leap in status and something everyone would become addicted to. Liz smiled through tears of pain in her eyes.

A fairly easy answer to the question _why, _and even more amusing that such an easy answer could be dangled right before your eyes and completely ignored.

Another sharp pain went through her head and she winced, trying not to waver her gaze away from the monitor.

_They are using you._

The question _how_ was not that important at that moment. She had enough information to find this guy and ask more questions later.

Liz' index finger hovered over the enter key, waiting for a match, so that she could stop the search and show her findings to _him_.

And then it happened. The muscles in her finger contracted and the pictures halted.

"Oh…" she gasped and backed away from the computer. Slowly standing up, she memorized all crucial information and turned around to walk out of the room.

Suddenly the pain came back with an unbearable strength. Her hands flew to her head and she would have loved to simply scream the pain out of her body but her throat was closing up and she had to gasp for air. Her world exploded into an inferno of white and the only thing she could hear was this low voice.

_You are alone._

_They are using you._

_Your new family is waiting._

_Go to the Angel_

_Go to the Angel_

_Go to the Angel_

Her own scream woke her up from her unconsciousness.

tbc...

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What do ya think? Please let me know:)


	8. The Escalation

I know your nerves are shot already but I have to tell you that this new chapter won't help calm h

I know your nerves are shot guys, but I am afraid this new chapter won't help calm them;)

I want to thank every single one who reviewed! You are just amazing!

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine (for details, see prologue.

* * *

The Escalation

Watching his family gather around the table to eat, was something he was thanking god for every day. His real family has never had the luxury to do so and he had envied every single one of his classmates that was able to experience this wonder of familiarity. The stories that could be exchanged while sitting together and the plans that could be made together…a bliss.

He had tried to be better at school as anyone else and he had achieved that goal, hoping to gain the attention of his parents and their love. But no matter how good he was, no matter how much he worked on his skills, there was always someone better than him and his parents were disappointed.

He was never disappointed with his students. Every single one was doing his or her best and he would never judge them for making a mistake or not being smart enough. Finally they were free off the pressure society was burdening them with and they could do as they pleased.

The only thing bothering him was his beautiful phoenix still being out there in captivity. Undergoing tests and being a pawn of people, that were not even half as smart as this unique creature.

But it wouldn't take long anymore and he would rescue it. Take it under his own wings and nurture it back to health. Back to its natural state, it should never have been allowed to lose.

_Red's car…_

"Yes."

"Miss Keen has stormed into the lab and just thrown out one of my best paying students. I would appreciate if you could come over here and talk some sense into her."

"What is she doing?"

"She was speed reading some articles and comparing pictures to it. It seemed as if she was searching for something but frankly, I don't really care. I am behind my schedule already."

"I will be there in ten minutes."

"Wait…there is something wrong…"

Red heard rustling on the other and of the phone and ground his teeth. A scream pierced into his ear and he sat bold upright, clenching his fingers around the phone.

"What's going on Flemming?"

"I have to go…

"No….what's…"

The loud click in his ear made his blood boil.

"Damn it…" the yell tore from his chest and the phone in his hand collided with the headrest of the front seat, falling into pieces.

"HEY…cool it!" Dembe's voice boomed through the interior of the car and the car made a swerve to the right. "We won't be able to help her if we are dead."

"Do you have ANY idea what will happen if this woman gets into the wrong hands?" Red's voice was still loud but desperation was clinging to it. "This isn't just about us…about our relationship anymore."

"We don't know what this criminal is doing with all those students. Liz never got around to find it out."

"I don't care." Red growled. "Wrong hands are wrong hands. Drive faster."

Dembe obeyed, but scowled.

"If you lose her, you will lose yourself."

Red scoffed, looking out of the window.

"IF I lose her, Dembe, there will be nothing of me left to lose."

_15 minutes later…_

The dark car came to a stop with screeching tires and before the motor was shut off, the back door was thrown open and Red stormed out of it and into the building. Closely followed by Dembe, Red sprinted up the stairs and rounded at least three corners, before he started to hear raised voices and crashes.

"Fall back." Red called to Dembe.

Although this woman was normally one of the sweetest persons he knew and he loved and adored her more than his own life, he wasn't stupid enough to believe that right now he didn't need someone watching his back. Even under normal circumstances, when angered, Lizzie could be quiet the volcano, but right now her actions were unpredictable. Even for him.

Slowing down, Red neared the hall he by now knew very well and finally had the last corner behind him.

His eyes grew wide and his right hand wandered to his gun, concealed in his vest, hesitation to pull it out though.

"Lizzie."

The woman standing in the middle of the hallway looked nothing like his Lizzie. Her face was smeared with blood from another nosebleed, dark smudges adored her skin under her eyes and her hand with the gun in it was shaking badly. The weapon was pointed at Dr. Flemming, who was looking more annoyed than frightened.

"What are you doing?" Red asked her calmly, trying to edge nearer and strike up a conversation.

"I am joining my family." She answered with a monotone voice.

Broken glass was crunching under Red's shoes when he took another step in her direction. He had to sidestep a piece of a broken chair and groaned inwardly when his foot caught on a ripped out cable.

"Your family?" the attempt to have a conversation with her failed miserably. Before he could make another step, the gun wavered and was suddenly pointed directly at his chest.

"Whoa…easy, now." He forced a grin onto his face and held up his hands as a sign of peaceful approach. He could here shuffling behind him and imagine Dembe getting even more nerves by the second.

"Not a step closer." She warned him. Her body was quivering and Red was feeling his heart beat even faster as it already was when he saw her eyes suddenly close and her breath rate increase. Her free hand suddenly clutched her head and when her eyes opened again she looked like a scared little child.

"Red…oh god." She looked at the weapon in her hand and stumbled back against the wall behind her. "Oh no…" she moaned but in the next second she looked with wide eyes at Red and Dr. Flemming. "I know who it is…"

"Who is what?"

"The one who is recruiting the students…Red…"  
"Give me the gun, sweetheart, and everything is going to be alright."

Slowly inching his way to her side, his warm hand engulfed her cold one. The gun was still tightly in it and Red looked into her wild eyes.

"Who is it, Lizzie."

"I…"

_You are alone._

"No…." the whimper escaped her trembling lips and she shook her head.

"Tell me, Elizabeth!"

_They are using you._

"Let me go…" she murmured, not knowing whom she was really talking to. The man who was obviously in her head or the one who was holding her wrist. "Leave me alone…" a tear escaped her eye, mixing with the blood on her cheek.

"WHO IS IT, LIZZIE?!"

_Your new family is waiting._

"Let me go!" her voice was stronger again and she tucked at her arm, trying to free it from Red's strong grasp.

"I can't Lizzie! Tell me who's done this to you!"

_Come to the Angel_

Liz titled her head down in pain. The ringing in her ears got louder and she had to squeeze her eyes shut.

_You are alone._

_They are using you._

_Your new family is waiting._

_Go to the Angel_

_Go to the Angel_

_Go to the Angel_

Red stopped moving the moment he felt Liz' body go still against hiss. Her head rose slowly and her eyes were rigid. Staring into his. All signs of pain, or any kind of emotion gone.

"Let me go." She whispered.

Red backed away a few inches but didn't let go of her wrist.

"I can't let you go, Lizzie." He whispered back and grimaced when he saw her smirking coldly at him.

The bang that came next was unexpected but clearly a sound everyone in the room had heard before.

The gun in Liz' hand had fired….and the bullet had hit soft flesh.

tbc...

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Alright...I guess the hardest and nervwrecking stuff is done...almost;) What ya think:)


	9. The Survival of the Fittest Mind 1

Here it comes. Next chapter and it will actually be a two parter agaon:)

After the cliffy in the last chapter I will be nice to ya and not end this one with a big cliffhanger.:)

I am actually a bit nervous about this chapter, becausse there is a lot of talking and you know me and dialogues...I am more the angst writer;) But I hope it is not too bad and everything makes kind of sense(well not everything yet;))

Thank you all so much for the reviews! I felt soooo happy every time I've read one!

Now I wish ya a lot of fun with the chapter:)

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine(for details, see prologue)

* * *

The Survival of the Fittest Mind 1

The beating of his heart was fast. Almost like a drum being played at a rock concert. He saw her storm out of the building, covered in blood and obviously not knowing where exactlyto go. This was his chance. The perfect moment to let her know who would give her the freedom back. Slowly walking up to her, he positioned himself directly in front of her and smiled.

"Welcome home." He whispered and was pleased to see recognition in her eyes.

"Angel…"

"Yes my child. I have waited for you. We have waited for you. Finally the time has come and you will join our family." He held out his hand to her. "Come. I will give you the freedom you deserve."

Like in a daze, she raised her arm and grasped his hand with hers. The fresh blood on her hand made a squashing sound when he tightened his hold and tugged on it.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Argh…" the yell rang through the room and bounced back from the walls. "Get me a damn towel or something." Red squeezed the words out through his white lips and tightly ground together teeth.

The activity around him was only a blur, but he could identify Dr. Flemming's lab coat flailing right beside him and Dembe kneeling on the other side.

"Follow her." He ground out, clutching at his thigh.

"Raymond…"

"The bullet went through." He gasped when he tried to turn to his friend. "She knew what she was doing."

"Yes…she was shooting you! She wanted to KILL you." Dembe raised his voice, holding one hand against the bullet hole in Red's leg..

"No…" Red breathed, clenching his hand around a piece of wood to keep from screeming. "Her brain…doesn't want to kill. She wanted to go somewhere. Go to someone." Again, a gasp and then Red's hand pulled Dembe's away from the wound. "If she wanted to kill me…you'd be able to study rigor mortis on me already. Go. I will follow."

Dembe shook his head but did what he was told. He had learned a long time ago that it was better to listen to Red. Most of the time he was right anyway.

Red let himself fall back against the carped on the floor and moaned silently. Lizzie had once asked him how he had been able to just walk away from the bullet wound that he received in the shooting with Tom. He had told her, with an arrogant smile on his face, that after years in this business he was already used to those occurrences. Now he had to admit, that it had been quiet a while ago since he had suffered from a real bullet wound and he was sure now that he was getting too old for this, because the last time this happened…well…he had it differently in memory of it.

His musing were cut short by a nervous Dr. Flemming, pressing a towel against the wound and his own groan.

"Thank you…doctor." he grinned with a grimace on his face. "You may call Dr. May now. I believe you remember the number."

Meanwhile Dembe sprinted out of the building, looking right and left. Not seeing Liz anywhere, he ran to the car and immediately opened the tracking program on his notebook.

The red dot, symbolizing Liz' position, was moving fast out of town. Judging from the speed, Liz must be sitting in a car.

Without hesitation, Dembe started the car and sped off.

xxxxxxxxxx

Liz' mind was working almost as fast as the motor of the car she was sitting in. The scenery was blurring by and her thoughts felt just the same.

The man beside her was silent, concentrating on the road. His tall form slightly bent forward and his full hair falling into his eyes.

She felt cramped in this little car. She wanted to be able to expand her arms and run as fast and as far as she wanted. Free from all the restrains life had laid on her from a very young age. One hand was still clutching the gun and the other hand was cramping into a fist every few seconds.

The voice in her head had promised a family. Freedom. Right now, there was nothing of that anywhere to be seen. As sure as she had been that she needed to follow the urge to find her new family and the Angel, now she wasn't sure anymore. It wasn't enough, It wasn't right. A pothole in the street, shook her body and suddenly something clicked into place.

The pain, that had still echoed in her head was gone. She was feeling reborn and it seemed that her mind has been never as clear as now.

"You can stop the car." She told the man. The surprised look on his face was almost funny. But only almost. Free from any baggage and distracting emotions, she wasn't thinking in terms of fear, happiness and love, only in terms of logic and probabilities. And she could remember everything.

"Stop the car? You are going to meet your new family."

"I profiled you. I know what you are doing." Her tone was calm and cold. "You are claiming to rescue those people from their confinement of school, work or demanding familes, but instead you are imprisoning them in their own mind. "

"I give them everything they need. They can do what they want."

"They can do what they want, limited to their own brains, with no goals." She explained nonchalantly. "Even the smartest human brain needs a goal in live." Her gaze traveled to his. "Without a goal, you are practically killing them, Frederick."

"What?...What are you talking about?" he was beginning to get nervous. She wasn't supposed to say those things.

"I am talking about the wrong turn your plan has made somewhere along the way."

Liz' cold smile was having a nerve wrecking effect on Frederick.

"You don't know anything! You are only here because I MADE you come here."

"I am here because I have a high enough IQ to draw your attention." The last word had almost stuck in her throat. She felt once again a slight pressure in her head. A lump in her throat materialized suddenly and she felt the focus of her thoughts waver. Inhaling deeply twice, she felt the concentration come back and she dared to speak again.

"Where are we going?" she asked. The question _how _was still swirling in her mind and she wanted to get the answer to it, but she knew that he wouldn't tell her willingly.

"Home."

"Where is home?"

"Somewhere nice."

"Where is somewhere nice?"

"Not far away anymore."

"So…" she grinned. "Since we are still in Washington and I presume you need a lot of space for a big family, I guess it has to be quiet a big building. I would say just on the outskirts of the city. Not too far away from supplies but not too near so that no suspicion can arise." She paused and rubbed her temple. "You own a cottage next to the Piscataway Park. It wasn't big enough a few years ago, but judging by the calluses on your hands you have been renovating…or…expending?"

"You are very intelligent." he praised and smiled, through his frustration.

"Yes, I am." She answered, gazing at him and taking in his reactions. "Stop the car." She suddenly added.

"No."

"You say you want freedom for intelligent people? Why don't you let them have their own free will? Maybe they would stay anyway? Or maybe they would go another way."

"They are my family." He growled.

"No…they are prisoners of your personal understanding of the word family."

The car drove on unsteadily, swerving from right to left.

"Concentrate on the road, Frederick." Liz told him and leisurely, looked at the gun in her hand.

"I don't understand what happened. You are supposed to…" Frederick started, but stopped immediately when he turned to Liz and found himself looking into a gun barrel.

"What…What's that?"

"A gun."

The car made a turn to the right and stopped on the grass next to the street. Liz threw open the door, still pointing the gun at Fredericks face and slowly got out of the car.

"For a man who has an IQ higher than the average person, you came fairly unprepared."

xxxxxxxxxx

"She stopped." Dembe hissed at the microphone connected to his cell phone, trying to concentrate on the traffic in front of him, the phone in the phone holder and the red dot on his notebook at once.

"Well, what is she doing?" Red's strained voice came over the speakers.

"How should I know? I only see the dot and the traffic is just…damn."

Dembe had to break behind a "Sunday driver" and cursed once again when he didn't find an adequate space to pass him.

"Dembe? Did you find her?"

Dembe groaned, pressing his lips into a thin line.

"Shouldn't you be in an ambulance, Raymond?"

"I AM in an ambulance."

Dembe groaned and rolled his eyes. Passing the annoying driver in front of him, Dembe finally was able to take a short cut to the road Liz was on.

"I will call you when I found her."

"No…wait."

"You are distracting me, Raymond!"  
"Alright, alright. I think this nice male nurse here wants to play doctor with me anyway." Under the joking tone, Dembe could clearly detect the tension in his voice.

"I will bring her back, my brother."

The silence was short lived.

"I know. I trust you."

And the connection was severed.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Get out of the car, Frederick."

A mild breeze was ruffling Liz' face and Frederick had to admit that she wasn't only intelligent but also a beauty. A rare thing to find in his opinion. His taste in women was special and it was hard to find someone who seemed adequate.

"Get in the car." He countered.

Liz smiled at him.

"You seem not to understand the situation here. " not letting the gun drop even an inch, she walked a few steps nearer. "I KNOW where the students are and I KNOW that you are the one who orchestrated this whole mess. Now it is very important for you to understand, that I don't need you anymore. And I won't have any problem with shooting you. Now, get out."

Cautiously, Frederick stepped out and came around the car.

"Now." Liz smirked at him. "Open the trunk and get the first aid kit out."

She walked over to him, situating herself behind him, so that she could see what he was doing. Seeing the first aid kit in his hands, she reached around him and snatched it from him.

"Don't turn around."

Leaning the edge of the box against her stomach, she opened it and with one hand took out two rolls of bandages. The box hit the ground with a metallic thud and Liz stepped up to Frederick, putting her lips right next to his ear.

"Spread your legs, keep your back to me and stretch your arms behind your back." She whispered, still smiling. To her actual surprise he did as he was told and she opened one of the rolls, starting to tie his wrists together with the bandage.

"You know, Frederick, when my brain was still clouded with emotions I was scared of you. I didn't know how you were luring those kids in and you had a mystique about you that made my skin crawl. The only thing making my skin crawl now is your smell. I guess you forgot to install a shower in your cottage?"

Before Frederick could say something, Liz shushed him.

"No, no, no…I am talking now. I guess I do have to thank you for clearing my mind, though. I guess my brain didn't react like the others, did it? I don't know HOW you brainwashed us but it seems that my brain found a way to break out of the control and evolve into something…more practical." She cleared her throat and looked down to examine the knot she had made. Slowly she crouched down and started the same process on his ankles.

"The interesting thing is that it's always those supposedly smart ones that make the biggest mistakes."

"I am only waiting for yours." Frederick sneered at her.

"You see, I am not _supposedly _smart. You wanted so damn hard to be intelligent that you actually forgot that there are people smarter than you out there."

"I have never forgotten that. The people around me never LET me forget it."

"And having them under your thumb, controlling them was your way of revenge. Of feeling finally equal."

"It never has been about revenge." He yelled, feeling tears gather in his eyes.

Liz smiled. So smart, but so emotional. Emotions made everyone break…sooner or later.  
"It was about learning from them. Learning from you, how to become more intelligent." It was almost a sob, that came out of his throat. "Giving you the freedom to not be…controlled."

Liz straightened and turned him around by his shoulder.

"You can't learn to be intelligent, Frederick. Everyone is unique in his own way and everyone has a purpose in life, no matter how intelligent he or she is. And I think YOU are intelligent enough to see the similarities between your plan and the things you want to free us from."

tbc...

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Oh my...I am scared but let me know what you think!Please...good and bad! I wanna know:)


	10. The Survival of The Fittest Mind 2

First I wanna apologize for the delay, but I was sooooo busy and actually still am.

So that brings me to the second sorry: Sorry for not thanking you guys in person for reviewing but I had like only a few very short minutes to upload this and I normally like to take some more time to write ya PM's:) But know this: I am soo thankful and every single review makes me smile like a nut;)

So, actually there will be only one or two more chapters coming, but no worries. I already have a nice knew idea and since the second season is not going to be aired for a few more months over here, I will have to bridge the time somehow and you guys can guess how I will do that;)

Now...here comes the new chapter! Have FUN!

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine(for details, see prologue)

* * *

The Survival of the Fittest Mind 2

Dembe jumped out of the car, banged the door shut behind him and walked to the seemingly abandoned car with a drawn weapon. He drew nearer slowly, suddenly hearing a strange muffled sound. The gun pointed slightly higher and Dembe rounded the car. He surprised himself, when a genuine laugh escaped his mouth. The scene in front of him was simply hilarious.

"Who would you be, mate?"

The muffled screams coming from the man lying bound and gagged on the ground, made Dembe laugh again. He crouched down beside him and eyed him intently. The material that had been stuffed into his mouth looked suspiciously like paper and Dembe decided to pull it out, grimacing slightly when saliva clung to it and dripped down the man's chin.

"Get those bounds off of me." Frederick immediately screamed. "You have to find her. She's crazy. Insane!"

Dembe produced a handkerchief from his pocket and still grinning, replaced the paper in Fredericks mouth with it. Not paying any further attention to the now wiggling man, he straightened the piece of paper between his hands and frowned when Liz' necklace fell down into the dirt. Picking it up, he noticed a short note scribbled on the it.

_Frederick is the one you are searching for. _

_I will end this game and you will receive a call with the information where to find the students._

Dembe shook his head in frustration. He stood up, left the man on the floor and went back to his own car. He let himself fall into the seat and before he dialed Red's number, inhaled deeply to calm himself and prepare for a delivery of not so good news. After only one ring, Red answered.

"Did you find her?"

"No. I found her necklace."

Dembe heard a colorful curse through the phone and couldn't hold back a small smile.

"She left us a present, though."

"What? The necklace tied around a bomb?"

"No. A tied up Frederick, I assume you know who that is, and a message written on a paper stuffed in his mouth. Very creative. You could learn from her."

Red didn't comment on that, but Dembe could imagine a smirk appearing on his face.

"What did she write?" Red asked impatiently.

"That we will receive a call with the location of the students:"

"She will call?"

"She didn't define who would."

Red sighed and Dembe could hear him drinking a few gulps, before speaking again.

"I am almost done here."

"They are letting you out?"

The dry laugh from his friend made Dembe roll his eye.

"Dembe, you don't really expect me to stay here while Lizzie is traipsing around Washington's outskirts and currently not in her own mind." It wasn't a question but a statement, so Dembe didn't even think about replying.

"And you don't have to pick me up." Red continued. "I will call Mr. Kaplan and come to you with the helicopter. It may come in handy if we want to find her as soon as possible. Just tell me where you are exactly."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Liz entered the hallways of Frederick's cottage, after picking the lock with a piece of her belt buckle.

For half an hour, she had been walking on the deserted street in direction of the cottage and finally a driver had shown mercy and taken her to her desired destination. She knew that normally she would have never climbed into the car of a stranger but since she felt the gun pressing into her hip and her ability to react heightened to a level she had never experienced before, Liz felt quiet confident that she could defend herself if push came to shove. Thankfully, I didn't come to that and she had thanked the man and eyed the huge cottage from the outside for a minute, before walking to the entrance.

Calmly she looked around the dark hallway and curiously opened the doors left and right from her. Not finding anything interesting, she walked further into the cottage, feeling her skin starting to prickle. Someone was near her.

Her hand tightened around her gun and she turned in a circle, but didn't see anyone.

Calming herself with a deep breath, Liz opened another door and her jaw dropped immediately. The room in front of her was massive and four huge monitors were hanging on the perfectly white walls. As if that was not enough, she could see three long rows of tables with white stools. At least twenty or thirty computers were adoring the tables and almost all of them were occupied by people typing.

Slowly she walked to the nearest, unoccupied computer and glanced at the monitor. Plans for building a microscope. Not interesting for Liz. She was searching for something else. Something that would tell her how Frederick had managed to lure all those people into his trap. Deciding that this must be the student's workroom, Liz retreated into the hall. The students were occupied, not even noticing her, so she assumed that it was safe to leave them alone for now. Liz opened one of the two doors she hadn't opened yet and found a small office. She smiled. Gracefully sliding into the chair at the table, she booted up the computer and waited for it to get ready for her to snoop deeply into it. After a few clicks here and there she found a folder, protected by a password. Now that could be tricky. Closing her eyes, Liz tried to remember all the details she had read about Frederick. She opened her eyes and typed the word _Angel _into the blinking field, but the box turned red and blinked on. She cursed. That would have been too easy, she chided herself for trying to use the easy way and started to think again. The text she had read flew by her inner eye, as if she was reading it again and suddenly it halted and one word was standing out as if highlighted. _Leonardo._

Fredericks second name, his fathers and grandfathers first name and the first name of Frederick's idol Leonardo Da Vinci.

Typing the name in, her lips formed a satisfied smile when the window blinked green and the folder opened.

A list of text files and applications appeared. Her mind warned her for some reason against opening the applications. First read, then use.

Opening a random file, she skimmed through the text and chuckled.

Subliminal stimuli. Again such an easy answer to such a loaded question.

She opened some more files and what baffled her was the care that Frederick had put into his work. Every single exercise he had developed for students was spiked with masterly hidden suggestions, not noticeable unless you had the written program in front of you.

Slowly she took out her cell phone and pushed speed dial.

"Lizzie!" the men's voice sounded nervous but at the same time excited. He seemed to be in a helicopter, since Liz could hear the sound of the rotors.

"Did you find my present?" she asked amused.

"Yes we did. Mr. Kaplan takes care of him. Where are you?"

"Why are you asking? You are surely tracing my call as we speak."

Red paused and Liz took the opportunity to start talking again.

"I found the cottage. I am also sure you are aware of my location already, so you will know where Frederick's base is. Take care of the students and all the files he left. I would suggest a few session with a psychologist for each and every one."

"How did he do it, Lizzie?"

Liz grinned. He wasn't stupid at all. Of course she would have found out the answer to the big question before calling him. Maybe he simply new her too well-

"Subliminal stimuli. You will find everything in the files."

"Wait for me and we will go through them together." He tried hopefully.

Liz chuckled and got up from the chair.

"Good luck, Raymond."

xxxxxxxxxxx

The click met Red's ear felt like an explosion.

"Damn it to hell." He cursed heartedly, but refrained from throwing his new phone on the floor. He wasn't sure if the sim-card would survive another attack on its life. He tapped Dembe on the shoulder and asked:

"Where is she?"

"Not moving….wait. The signal is gone."

"What do you mean it is gone? That's not an option." Red growled at his friend, sweat starting to appear on his skin.

"She must have taken out the sim- card."

"I want the signal."

"That's not possible." Dembe argued, equally frustrated with the whole situation.

"I WANT ELIZABETH!" Red's voice boomed and echoed from the walls of the helicopter. "IS THAT CLEAR?"

xxxxxxxxxx

Liz disposed the pieces of her cell phone in a trashcan and glanced at her wristwatch. She was good in time. If she judged Red's nervousness right, and she was sure she did, he must have been more than ten minutes away when they have talked. That left her with enough time to get out of the cottage and simply hide. She wouldn't be able to get far but sometimes the nearest and most obvious hiding places were the most effective ones.

Looking around her, she tried to determine which direction she should go and finally decided to head west. Directly into the thick forest. Perfect opportunities to hide and throw them off her tracks.

Before she entered the forest, she turned around and looked into the sky. A small black dot, growing steadily bigger, announced Reddington's arrival. Liz rubbed her temple, feeling a dull headache appear at the thought of this man and then Liz disappeared into the dark.

tbc...

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What do ya think? Please let me know:)

P.S.

Sorry forl mistakes. As I said, I was sooo busy and had to hurry!


	11. The Formatting

I am once again in a terrible hurry, so I am already apologizing for all mistakes!

There will be one more chapter following and then we will have reached THE END:)

So I hope you will enjoy this new chapter!

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine (for details, see prologue)

* * *

The Formatting

The helicopter landed, making the sand on the ground rise all over the place and block the view for a few moments. Coughing the sand out of his throat, Red let Dembe help him from the helicopter, leaning heavily against his friend when they approached the cottage.

"The door is open. "Dembe informed after tasting the handle once and they walked in, expecting something big and extraordinary, but the plain mundane look made Red grimace.

"Not really a sense of style that the good Frederick had." He scoffed and hobbled to the only door that was standing wide open. He sighed in relief when he saw that it was an office and that three was a chair he could rest his leg in. Frowning at the trashcan, he bent over and fished various pieces of Liz' cell phone out.

"Guess she wanted to make really sure that we weren't able to follow her."

He sat there for a moment and eyed the running computer in front of him until his eyes fell on a post it sticking to the frame of the monitor.

_Password: Leonardo_

_Make something positive out of this_

Red huffed and laughed loudly. Of course, she would suggest to make something positive out of it.

Leaning back in the chair, he closed his eyes. Although he felt fatigue slowly claiming his body, he was determined to find Lizzie. There was just no other option. He tried to profile her, or at least her current state of mind.

Highly intelligent

With no emotions

Reactions sharp as a Samurais sword

Longing for freedom

A dangerous mixture of traits for her and everyone around her.

"I found the students. They are working in a hall. They didn't notice me coming in." Dembe disturbed him. "Did you find anything?"

"Yeah. The files about the subliminal stimuli. That's how he did it, Dembe."

"What is this stimuli?" a genuine question from his friend but Red didn't feel like answering in his normal enthusiastic and storytelling way.

"There were suggestions hidden in text, film and tone of the tests Frederick has created. You don't hear see or feel them. Only your subconscious is aware of them and after a while, you will start to believe it and behave according to what they tell you to behave like. It's mind control really."

Dembe walked further into the room and leaned his hip against the table.

"This would explain the students behavior and Liz' behavior in the beginning, but I doubt that Frederick suggested for her to bind and gag him and leave him on the road."

Red chuckled at him.

"No…I guess he wouldn't have. Lizzie… seems to somehow have slipped from being mind controlled into an IQ overdrive. Don't ask me how that is possible but it looks like her logic is suppressing her emotions. She is reacting strictly logical. She wants me to let her go, so she shoots my leg, because her mind doesn't find any other way out of the situation."

"How do we fix her?"

"Fix her?" Red huffed. "We sound like two mechanics who want to repair a machine. It's not that simple."

Silence came over the two men like a dark blanket.

"The human mind is a tricky thing, Dembe. I don't know if it is even possible to fix that. At least from the outside."

"She is not here." Dembe stated suddenly the obvious.

"Of course she isn't. " Red mumbled and swung the chair around, so he could look out the window. His gaze drifted to the patch of green, almost disappearing from view behind the wall. Painfully he made it to his feet and stumbled to the window.

"A forest." He whispered. "Dark…huge…"

He heard Dembe walking to him. When the man came to a halt beside him, Red put a hand on his forearm and squeezed.

"She's in the forest, Dembe." He paused. "Get her."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Liz was stumbling down a pebbled path and had to stop and lean on a tree trunk. Trying to profile Dembe and Red to stay a step ahead of them proofed to be hard, maybe even impossible. Her head was already exploding with a headache and she was breathing heavily. Why was it so hard to get into their minds? Every time she tried, especially when she tried to predict Red's moves, the headache got worse and she felt like a wave of emotions was trying to drown her. Fighting against it made her nauseous and trip over her own feet. But the more she thought it, the harder it got to simply ban them from her thoughts. The images came back, penetrating every single of her carefully constricted walls.

Sinking to the needle and moss covered ground, her hand flew to her chest. Breathing was coming harder and harder, her pulse was quickening and a faint pain started to grow worse in her chest, almost as fast as the sweat forming on her skin. She felt like she was losing control over herself, her body and the whole situation.

She started to list the symptoms and her eyes grew wide.

Six symptoms of seven. Liz cursed, realizing that she was in the middle of a panic attack. Trying to calm herself down, she suddenly felt a pang of fear blossom in her chest, when her efforts were met with failure. Her thoughts were swirling and jumping from the fear to the images of Red and Dembe. Suddenly the image of Sam joined them and she cried out.

_No, no, no, no…this is not happening. I am calm. I can't be loosing the grip on my emotions now. No._

With astonishment, Liz raised a hand to her cheek and was shocked to find them wet.

_Tears? Crying makes you week, Clouds your judgment. _

Sniffing, trying to suppress a sob, Liz looked around and she started crawling. The bush was not far away and only in seconds she had reached the meager sanctuary and simply collapsed on the ground. Shivers wrecked her body and one word escaper her lips in a whisper.

"Red…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dembe held a hand to his ear, where the small earphone transmitted Red's voice.

"There is a pebble path going right and left. Where should I go?" he asked. Slightly out of breath.

When after fifteen seconds he still hadn't heard an answer, he lightly tapped against the earpiece with his index finger.

"Raymond? Are you still there?"

"Yes…where does it look darker?"

Dembe's head turned left and right a few times before he answered.

"Right."

"Then go right."

So he did and only a few steps later he reached another fork in the path.

"What now? One leads higher up and the other goes down. No tracks."

"Down."

Dembe didn't question the instruction and, slowly now, walked down the path. He couldn't see any sign that Liz had been here or still was.

"Anything? Red asked impatiently.

"No…"

Just when he was about to turn back and walk down the other path, a rustling made him stop. Slowly he took out the earpiece from his ear and let it hand down his shirt on the thin cable. He could here Red's voice faintly from a distance but the rustling was still there and he ignored Red. Listening intently, he set himself in motion in the direction the sound was coming from. Dembe was even more dumbfounded when he saw the bush moving slightly but erratically.

With caution, he parted the branches gently and almost yelped in surprise and joy when he saw Liz lying on the ground.

"I found her, Raymond."

Not waiting for Red starting to shout questions at him, Dembe once more left the earpiece hanging and crouched, as good as he could fit into the space left under the bush, next to Liz.

"Liz?"

She shivered, squeezed her eyes closed and covered her ears with her shaking hands.

"No…no more…emotions…" tears leaking through her closed eyelids, she didn't seem to register Dembe turning her onto her back. Checking her pulse, he sighed when he found it racing.

"She's conscious but not responsive." He spoke into his microphone.

"Why not? What's going on?"

"I don't know." was Dembe's curt answer, while checking Liz for any injuries. "She's not hurt. Just a few minor cuts. I guess from the bush she's lying under."

"A bush? Where are you?"

Dembe once again ignored Red. He slid his arms under Liz' armpits and slowly maneuvered both of them onto the path, out from under the green shelter.

"I will be back with her in about ten minutes, Raymond. "

Scooping her into his arms, Dembe winced when her elbow jabbed his shoulder repeatedly.

"Liz, you can uncover your ears now." He told her gently but didn't see a sign that she had heard him. Instead, she was mumbling something about numbers, codes and emotions. Dembe shook his head sadly. _This time the adventure seems to have taken a greater toll on her. _

Except for the occasional sniffing and mumbling, Liz was limp in his arms and he actually was starting to worry not only about her mental state but also her physical condition. He wasn't sure how Red intended to fix this situation.

Just when Dembe and Liz immerged from the forest, Red was at their side, stopping Dembe to look at the woman in his arms.

"Lizzie? Can you hear me sweetheart?"

Gently he pried her hands from her ears and bent over to whisper to her.

"Everything's going to be fine, Lizzie."

Her eyes flew open and her eyes focused on his face immediately.

"Red…it hurts. My head…too much…emotions." Then her face contorted into a grimace and a sob broke out of her.

"Oh darling…" Red sighed.

"Make it stop…please make it stop." Tears flowing from her puffy eyes, she extended her arms, reaching for Red.

"I can't carry her." Red assessed with a frown. "Put her down and I'll stay with her. Get Mr. Kaplan and Dr. Davis here."

Red watched as his friend lowered a sobbing Liz onto the ground, where she chose to draw her legs up to her chest and circle her arms around them tightly. Red grasped Dembe's offered hand and sat carefully down beside her. Tentatively he touched her hair, starting to massage her scalp to relax her.

"My head…" she gasped, slightly leaning in his direction. In one swift motion, Red had her leaning against him and his face buried in her hair. Inhaling slowly and deeply, Red felt an immense sense of relief flooding his body and mind.

"God, Lizzie. Stop doing those crazy things." He whispered, not particularly to her. "My heart can't take much more of such things."

She shifted in his arms, hiding her face even further into his chest.

"I don't know what's…going on. " She whispered. "When I think of you…all those…emotions start to overload my brain."

Red didn't want to feel good about this, but he couldn't keep a smile from appearing on lips.

"It will get better." He promised, not sopping his caresses.

"It only…got…quieter when you touched me." She admitted, suddenly shyly but also surprised.

"Don't think about it, darling. Just let it happen."

He felt a sigh against his skin and he shuddered with pleasure. That was where she belonged. At his side. In his arms. With him.

tbc...

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What d'ya think? I am looking forward to hear from ya:)


	12. The Restart

Alright my dear readers, here comes the last real chapter. After that I will post the Epilogue and the story will be finished:)

I kind of feel as if this chapter feels "rushed" but maybe because I actually had to rush to write it;) Hope it's alright anyway:)

You guys, I want to thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter! I was taken aback (in the most positive sense of the word;)) by the response to it and I was SOOOO happy! Cant even explain it really but just know that you all made my day a lot better!

Alright...let's do this now. Here comes the last chapter! Have fun!

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine (for details, see prologue)

* * *

The Restart

Liz felt like she was living a déjà vu when she opened her eyes and found them blinded by white walls, a white ceiling and after looking around, finding Red sitting in a chair beside her.

"Hey there, darling. How are you feeling?"

Liz swallowed with some difficulty, before licking her lips and finally answering.

"Sleepy. Confused…" breathing in deeply, she looked away from him. "Embarrassed. Once again."

"You don't have to be."

"I don't remember everything, but I do know that I have been rude and a brat."

Red chuckled, rubbing his sore leg.

"A spitfire, really." He laughed.

"What else did I do?"

Although she felt like falling asleep again was a good idea, she was curious but also anxious to find out what else she had done, besides yelling and accusing. She was aware of the fact that she hadn't been herself and even remembered the cause for it but the details of her actions had mostly slipped her mind.

"What do you remember?"

"The last thing I remember is me standing in the hall of the laboratory and talking to you. I can't remember what was said but that is the last thing I remember. There are some blank spots before that too though."

Red sighed and for a second considered lying to her about the events but he wouldn't break his promise. He never lied and never would lie to her.

"You shot me in the leg to get away." Fast, brutal and honest. The best way to get some uncomfortable truths out.

"W…what? I never would…"

Red could see the little color she had left leave her face. Mildly concerned, he tried to reassure her.

"Yes you would, sweetheart." he told her sternly, taking her hand in both of his. "If it were necessary, you would. And I expect nothing less of you."

"But…" Liz eyes wandered to his leg. "I shot you…I…"

"No, Lizzie. I don't want to hear anything about it anymore."

Before she could argue about it, Red bent over and kissed her. Savoring the feeling of her soft, albeit dry lips, Red grinned while not stopping kissing her, only parting for a quick breath and kissing her again. God, had he missed that feeling of her lips against his and those butterflies in his stomach, every time he touched her.

"Maybe I should shoot you more often, if that is how you punish me for it." Liz joked, once their lips had parted and his eyes sparkled with pleasure.

"Maybe I should do _this_ more often, so that you don't even get the idea of shooting me."

Both of them grinned and Liz' cheeks turned slightly red to Red's satisfaction.

"So…" Red started, while making himself comfortable in his chair again. "How are you feeling mentally?" He knew it was a loaded question, but he was genuinely interested in the answer. No psyche evaluation could tell him more about her mental stated than Liz herself. Always go directly to the source if possible, not to an informant. Eyeing her, he waited patiently, giving Liz as much time as she needed. Finally, she answered him in a cracking voice.

"I feel, as I already said, confused. Kind of not myself. And my head feels crowded but at the same time too empty and too slow. It's…confusing." Her voice became quiet in the end and she started to stroke her scar. A habit she knew Red disapproved.

"It's alright to be confused, sweetheart. " Red informed her gently. "You have been through a lot and had your brain muddled by some wanna-be genius. Everyone would feel a little bit dazed." Pulling her still stroking hand to his face, he kissed her knuckles softly and smiled. "You only have to concentrate on getting better now."

"Will I get better?"

The question made Red stop all movement. He caught her eyes and stared at her until she looked away.

"Why wouldn't you?"

He could see her considering her words and saw the exact moment she had decided to say them.

"It feels as if I lost something and I don't know if I can get it back. Especially since I don't know what I'v lost."

"You didn't lose me." Red answered on a serious tone, looking her in the eyes with an intense stare. "And I didn't lose you. For now that is the most important thing to know for both of us."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Welcome home, Liz."

Dembe had been waiting in the living room of their house for Red to drive Liz from the hospital home for at least two hours. This decision had taken at least four hours to be made, since Dembe was insisting on Red still not being able to drive with his injured leg and Red insisting on the opposite. Of course, Red had won the argument and not even winced while climbing into the car awkwardly.

Now Dembe was grinning broadly at the woman gaping at the huge bouquet of roses standing on the table and the whole room being stuffed with "welcome home" banners and signs.

"Wow!" she breathed gently and stepped further into the room. "Did you do that all by yourself in these two hours, Dembe?"

"Raymond helped last night." Dembe smirked at them, when Red rolled his eyes.

"Oh god, thank you so much." With a quick movement, she had caught Dembe into a choking hug and kissed his cheek excitedly.

"Now I am getting jealous, darling." Red huffed at them. "I almost cracked my skull open when I tried to hang one of this banners yesterday."

Liz let go of Dembe and walked back to the pouting Red. She laughed at his expression and used her index finger to gently push his pouting bottom lip back into place.

"That look." She whispered. "Doesn't suit you, honey."

"Honey?" his sudden grimace made her laugh again.

"What? You give me pet names all the time."

"Yeah…because you are adorable enough to wear them with pride."

Liz huffed but was interrupted by Dembe pulling her arm and directing her to the kitchen.

"Let him be strange, Liz. Look at this cake Mr. Kaplan sent you."

"From Mr. Kaplan?" Liz whispered in awe of this whole situation. She might have thought she was confused when she had woken up a few days ago, but this situation was surreal.

She walked up to the present in question and her lips formed an "o" in wonderment.

"She didn't really _make _this, did she?"

The cake had at least two layers and was from bottom to top pure chocolate and seeing that, Liz already felt her mouth watering.

"We all love you, Lizzie." Red's voice huskily whispered into her ear and his chin settled on her shoulder.

Sweeping away tears that escaped, Liz laughed and turned to Red and threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you."

Dembe walked up to them and smiled.

"The only thanks we all need is for you being as healthy as possible and keeping this one sane." he quipped, patting Red's back in a friendly manner.

After sharing dinner and desert, which were in Liz' opinion so delicious that they couldn't be from this world, Dembe excused himself after at least three hours full of laughter and talking, leaving Red and Liz alone. Red was secretly watching her and smiled when she tried to hide a yawn. Placing his glass of scotch on the table, he leaned forward and grinned at her and pointed at herbleary eyes.

"Are you tired, darling?"

"That obvious, huh?"

"A little bit." He chuckled and stood up. Smiling at her, Red bent down and with two fast movements had her in his arms and grasping his neck for stability.

"Hey…" she laughed. "Your leg! I can walk, you know?"

"But you don't have to. And my leg is fine. I am a fast healer."

Giggling like a two year old, Liz let Red carry her slowly upstairs, lower her finally to the mattress with a groan and grinned up at him, following his every move when he crawled into bed beside her. For a second he massaged his tired and sore leg but the soft light from the bedside table illuminated her face and Red could not stop staring at her. He had come so close to losing her…again. Sometimes he thought that fate was trying to give him a sign that he didn't deserve her, that she wouldn't stay with him for much longer. But in the next second he brushed those thoughts away with a brutal certainty. He would not let fate or anyone else take her away from him. As long as she was here because she wanted to be, he would do anything and everything to keep her at his side.

"I love you, Lizzie. Never forget that. No matter what things seem to be like, what someone tries to make you believe about our relationship or my feelings for you. I love you and this is the only truth you should trust when it comes to people telling you something about me."

Liz gave him a watery grin and nodded.

"I know you don't want to hear it." She started calmly and quietly. "But I _am _sorry about this whole…thing." Hurriedly she raised a finger to his lips to stop his arguing she could already see coming.

"I know it wasn't my fault per se, but I do feel responsible anyway. Wouldn't you if you had shot me?"

Red gave her a small smile.

"If I'd know that it means saving your life? Because every other option available in this moment would lead to your death? No, I wouldn't. I'd be grateful for finding a way to have you in my arms, and although injured, still alive." Both knew he spoke from experience. Not all the things he had done for her in the past had been pleasurable for her but they always had one purpose: to keep her alive.

"I am glad." She inched forward and planted a soft kiss on Red's lips. "That you are alive, I mean." She grinned."And in bed with me."

Red's sudden laugh made her giggle and she tried not to jostle his injured leg when she cuddled up against him and closed her eyes to finally find some peace.

There was still a long way to go, but they would be together. No matter what happened next.

tbc...

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Let me know what you think:)


	13. Epilogue

Here we are...we reached the end of the story and somehow I am sad to see it end but I am kind of ready for something fresh too:) (Not saying that someday there wont be a sequel to this cause something came to my mind yesterday but I wanna take a break from this story for a while:))

I hope the Epilogue is ok and that you will enjoy it:)

Alright, here we go:

**Disclaimer: **Blacklist is not mine(for details, see Prologue)

* * *

Epilogue

"So, I understand that you wish to stop your training for now?" the velvety soft voice of Dr. Davis made Liz relax into the sofas cushion.

"Just for a little while. Maybe a month…" she lowered her eyes to the floor. "…or two."

"What brought on this change of heart?"

"You have to ask?" Liz chuckled.

Dr. Davis didn't laugh for a change. She watched Liz' reaction intently and waited patiently for Liz to elaborate. The younger woman sighed and looked away while speaking.

"The pressure is obviously too much for me…right now at least. This…adventure has taught me a lesson about myself." She paused, inhaling sharply and nodding to herself as if accepting what she was going to say next. "I may be smart…maybe even a genius…but it won't do any good if I can't balance…brains and emotions. And my emotions are not…stable enough to do this right now."

Dr. Davis leaned back in her chair and studied her for a moment.

"And what are you planning to do to…well…improve that state of emotions. Did Red tell you what your IQ is?"

Slowly Liz faced Dr. Davis and the therapist was startled to see the fire in her eyes.

"I will take a break from the logical world for a little bit and try to come to terms with my insecurities. I wouldn't have been in the predicament I have been if I didn't have those." She turned her face away again, raising her hand to her face and rubbing her fingers against her temple. "I cannot keep living with them. Can't let them scare me so badly that I am afraid to commit to…another human being and trust him. That's not the life I want to lead and no, he didn't tell me. I didn't want him to. I don't want it to become my life…again."

"It's not only about trusting another human being." The therapist commented. "It's about trusting yourself."

Liz chuckled.

"Red always says that I have to trust my instincts and my abilities." Liz looked at her hand, which was nervously stroking her scar. "Trust in who I am. Deep inside me. The original me."

"Life changes us, darling. We never stay the same."

"Yes, but you can't change someone's core."

"I think you don't know your core, honey. Or at least you have never been allowed to explore it really. Being prone to insecurities is not something a child is born with. It's something that is forced on us to protect ourselves. You don't have to protect yourself anymore. You are not alone anymore."

_One hour later…_

Liz closed the office door behind her and smiled at the man sitting in the waiting room, reading a magazine. Slowly she walked up to him and her smile grew even wider when half way there, he looked up and gave her a brilliant smile in return.

"Lizzie." Abandoning his reading material, Red jumped practically to his feet and took her arm in his hand. "How did it go?"

"Pretty good."

"Are you tired?" concern shone from his eyes and a frown appeared. "We can go home and you can take a nap. I could start on bringing over your suitcases with Dembe and…"

"No, Red. " she gently interrupted, facing him and looking into his eyes. "We will do my moving into your…" she stopped herself and smirked. "…our house together."

Taking Red by surprise, Liz raised onto her tiptoes and covered his lips with hers, pulling him into her body. Parting, slightly out of breath, Liz didn't move away but laid her cheek on his shoulder and buried her nose in his neck, inhaling his fresh, musky scent.

"And when we get home…" she whispered into his skin. "…we can nap together." After a moment, she said something she felt almost relieved to be able and brave enough to say it.

"I don't want to be alone anymore, Red."

Caressing her hair and holding her close, Red dropped a sweet kiss on her cheek.

"And you never will. Not as long as I am alive."

He glanced over Liz' shoulder and met Dr. Davis' smiling eyes, who was leaning against the doorframe of her office. A knowing look passed her face and she grinned at him. Red couldn't hold back a smile. Holding her gaze for a moment, he mouthed silently to her.

_Thank you._

**THE END**

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I would love to hear your opinion on this last chapter:)

And I want to thank all of you with all my heart for the support you give me! Without you I am sure that none of my stories would have been written and posted!

THANK YOU and hopefully meet ya soon when I post my new story!


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